my indecent obsession.

2006-11-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

math As ended today. such a bittersweet end though, cause math and i - its love-hate. mommy declared a STUDY-FREE day for me when i got home cause its good to 'REST BAO BEI, REST!' even though i know i cant exactly afford to. but obedient as i am, it explains why i'm whiling my time time away here. despite all the yelling from vincent, i cant help but admit its hard to say goodbye. maybe he did make me cry on purpose, just so i wouldn't be teary (melancholic-ally) about our last session yesterday. its hard to imagine a math wonder going so deep as that and him actually bothering too granted i'm just one of the multitude, but its three generations - and it is possible for the number man i suppose, since he calls his daughter darling. how sweet is that? my dad never calls me by endearment. besides, he really is all bluster. noone said bluster wouldn't hurt, but still, bluster's forgiveable.

i sang to mommy today and she gave me the strangest look. cheryl just went, 'AH TAN! SI MEE LA!' but mommy's look was classic! i feel so at peace right now, so all glory to God. thank Him for keeping me sane thus far, its not easy. breaking yesterday was just a moment of pms-meets-panic and its all good. tempted the vain females of the house with a tub of venezia and i really cant stand the 'i'm so fat already take that away!' thing that they all seem to suffer from. HELLO, LOOK WHO'S THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO DIET. if i have the appetite for half a tub after just one paper, i might be able to get a family pack for the 24th!

okay, bed-time. tomorrow, i will befriend economics and i will chant mrs tan's name in my sleep.

2006-10-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

very soon, (after i decide if turner's it,) i'm hopping over to lj! whatever blogspot-traitor, lol.

#1. we keep postponing every thing till 'after As'. you can't do that to everything you know, relationships can't stand postponement.

#2. i don't have to agree just because you say you'll fetch me. cars are nice, but they're not everything, STRANGER.

#3. 10 days of horrific 'YOU MUST STRUGGLE (not upon the tree)' is finally over.

#4. today, i found out that nicholas really was from sa for first three months. and i can't even tell him that anymore! (or ask, 'do you want tissue?' hahaha)

#5. jien's flower-talk from the little prince got me hooked again. i actually gave each chapter a title when i first read it! secondary two's too cute, lol.

#6. my half kg of beef is almost gone after two days. i couldn't have! but i think i did - one more reason to save up for cali.

#7. we proved that 10 dollars can buy you happiness; you must never shout 'SIT LA!' at strangers; you must never call your uncle 'uncle'; and that laughing induces diarrhea. three hours was all we needed. (:

2006-10-23T10:48:00.000+08:00

cereal wisdom: cupid's arrow was always dipped in honey before he shot it at anyone. thats why, 'love is (always) sweet'.

wowww.

2006-10-14T04:48:00.000+08:00

MERDINYEOH, one of the few who made promises about after cedar, and kept to it. she gives me hope that farewell in jc could be a blessing - just like how post-cedar made her mine.

we scare ourselves all the time that the auntie in the bus will show up, lol.

i will never slide my arms out of yours and pretend to see something i like -

that's my way of saying you're on my list of irreplaceables.

2006-10-14T04:07:00.000+08:00

OH, TINA!

by popular demand, The Prom Photo is up, lol. SEE? you look a million times better than me so DON'T COMPLAIN! to salvage whatever's left of my humility, (though the shots i'm posting aren't exactly the most flattering, lol) the other shots are just my way of showing you you're the only one i let kiss, and kiss in return (though i can't find that shot).

iloveyou..

and the words can't do it justice.

words can run,

pictures can lie,

but we've hooked arms, hands, and fingers (don't mess with the pinkie, man!),
and that means no 'goodbye'.

2006-10-14T03:51:00.000+08:00

TENNIS TEAM = AWESOME.

KTA - 90% face, 10% body. how can i ever forget?

i promised you i'll come back, and i will.

words can't say it all; sometimes, all i mean is in a hug.

the only one who will out-embarrass me, lol.

this is my twin sister, she likes to tell others we're identical. lol

sweetheart, your smile will melt a thousand hearts.

its exactly one year ago that stef, shiyan and i crashed your place. time, really does fly.

the hotties from the guys' team, not looking quite as manly as they USUALLY are. lol.

2006-10-14T03:01:00.000+08:00

JUST FOR THE RECORD, I, THE BLOGSPOT IDIOT, TOOK FOUR HOURS TO POST THE PHOTOS. omagawwwwwd. they got deleted 23523434 times. therefore, the photos i'm posting are mostly the one-off ones. so if a shot in my cam's not here and you're DYING for it, i might upload it for you when i'm done reading the complete idiot's guide to blogging.

ONE THIRD, ILU.

loveofmylife, we go back twelve years. if i ever write a book, my forward would be to you.

meimei, your tofuman is the sweetest thing ever. what you said really moved me, it's beautiful.

bella, my letter said it all. i wished for more, but you know i'm more than glad we had what we had.

daniel, the letter was really sweet and touching. you really are, mister all-they-way.

mschualynnern, bubbletea and sushi will never taste the same without you. you, make going home a joyride.

xiaohuang, when will all the boys (and chapati men) ever stop falling at your feet? my guess is never.

beaves? i'm talking to you now and you sound scared. i won't promise but if you only ask, i'm with you.

2006-10-14T00:44:00.000+08:00

how do i love thee? let me count the ways..

it took awhile for the grief to subside. i really am too big a fan of drama, lol. but at least i can finally say a few words now, and then some.

the highly anticipated/dreaded farewell came, and went too fast. i started crying the night before while writing the farewell notes, labelling the last one at 3am. i had messages reminding me to bring tissue (and by the way that purple box was JIEN'S, not mine! i feel so maligned even though i was its primary user) and someone saying: eh don't cry on your way to school ah. the 'secretly scared' bit in jien's letter triggered the silent sobs and emotions past midnight, are really things you cant do anything about.

chapel and assembly went by really quickly, and believe it or not, i was quite determined not to be the first to cry. started tearing during worship, though it ended up in fits of laughter somehow. but it got to the point where i just felt, to hell with image - i never cared much for it anyway. the view from the top's really the bane of my life. the thought of never being in such a setting ever again made me think of pe, and how we'll never again do it in our lives. its funny how i used to wield my allergy to grass as an excuse from pe when i was alot younger and pe was done on the field, yet now when its all over and i think of how fat and unfit i will become (not that it helps much when you play twister during, lol), i wanna bawl and wail 'LETS TRAIN FOR TWO-POINT-FOUR AGAIN'. but then again, pe's just so much more than that. it really is, the only time a41 feels like a real class where everyone, truly cares for everyone. like how it showed when we got defensive and shot death looks and yelled RELAX at any rough/rude boys who push/smack and couldn't stop yelling 'LAYOUT! LAYOUT!'. and how can we forget captain's ball - we really are champions, if only in our own right.

photos were taken with people i love, some i don't even talk to, some i can cry just missing, and others i won't think much about, but i'd like to remember anyway. it was crazy, but i like crazy. and sometimes, you just don't stop to think cause you already know wild times like these aren't gonna come by any longer. it's just stabbing knowing the intensity of the moment can never be replicated, and however passionate and emotional i am right now, it won't be with me a year later. such overwhelming sadness will just sound theatrical when i look back on this post; but indulgence just feels safer now.

we had steamboat ala reunion dinner style that night. i like how we feel like family. now when i think of family, or warmth, or happiness, i think of one third. its really amazing how we derive all that pleasure from skipping down an empty street in a bid to illustrate what 'normal' to 'mad' perfomances were. and then the whole 'balls' thing that'll prolly just sound crazed to anyone else. i love how everyone always made sure each others' bowls were full and kept dishing more and going, 'eat more!'; 'okay, i peel prawns for you'; 'i peel quail eggs for you'; 'who wants water!'; and 'you want satay?' and give anyway even if the other party goes something like: 'i have 6 sticks already!'. i don't dare think about school without them. the lovely thing about having seven other people in your clique's that you'll never be caught in a situation where you're the ONLY one in school. (okay except for bella, ONCE. lol) we laugh at each other, with each other, cry together and get pissed off with each other sometimes too, (secretly or otherwise). we stand up for each other, and write letters, take unglam shots and always threaten to 'blackmail'. we even make carrying foldable tables fun. i would grit through all the fears and heartaches and stress and pain all over again, if only to relive these two years with them, all over again.

it's time to say goodbye (again) - another word i hate besides forever. (except that i use it alot more often.)

goodbye to seasons, tennis you will always be my first love. goodbye to the team05 and 06, you were the best i ever had. goodbye to assemblies, i never thought i'd miss you so. goodbye to the school song, i'll sing you to sleep once in a while. goodbye to pe, you were more than just napfa. goodbye to uniforms, conformity felt good for once. goodbye to note-passing in class, i'm keeping every one as a reminder. goodbye to sneakers, i won't be living in you much longer.

goodbye to you, you, and you, you made it all worthwhile.

2006-10-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

we wanna fly kites tommorrow, but we don't have kites. HOW! today was such a rubbish day. spent my morning with my f-friend, who cannot seem to stop picking out cute children to prey on! i need her photos quick cause i wanna do an expose, and you cant do an expose without photos, lol.

met merdinyeoh last night and we cant wait for the ninth of december to come so WE CAN USE HER LOCKERS! hahaha. so much for partying we're more concerned about the lockers. she just got back from tioman that sells baileys for RM FOURTYNINE BUCKS. omagawwwd, i really wanna go on a holiday. anywhere will do even JB sounds like fun. strangely, she's more excited for my As to be over and done with than me, lol. we've got our whole lives to plan and if its gonna take us ten years to save, she might get married instead. haha, in my words: PANGSEH. (though an YICHEN or the hot son of an oil sheik sounds just as yummy to meee.)

so happy mommy's home today i got to eat home-cooked food. i've been ignoring her recently cause she keeps on working late. annoyinngg. we were laughing ourselves stitches over some mad fears of hers, she really thinks too much. i told her i would be painting elin's room red and gold but she kept protesting with 'BAOBEI, HEADACHE AH!'. haha, no worries i've got 2 months to persuade her. then i'll get draperies and throw pillows, and throw out the ghastly pink side tables, or at least give them a painting job OMAGAWD, excitinngg. haha, i think elin, who lives in jeans and tees, and never ventures from black/blue/white, will get the shock of her life when she returns.

2006-09-25T01:34:00.000+08:00

this REALLY, cracks me up. :D

i have double lids some days. is there an eye enlargement surgery?

THIS is what we do at home! lol.

happy birthday, (:

2006-09-24T22:50:00.000+08:00

i'm tripping inside, and nobody knows it but me.

just got back from cheryl's birthday dinner at sun and moon/ sun with moon/ moon on sun, haha, whichever. yummyyy. i absolutely dig jap food, raw fish and kaneorenasdhas (however you spell those things) are such appetite whetters. after last night's horrific cup noodles episode, i wasn't sure i could eat anything anymore. but obviously i could, cause i woke to cottage pie and chicken marinated CHERYL-STYLE - all thumbs to the sky. recently, i've been going on a dessert frenzy and i cant wait for this fetish to pass cause i'm eating myself broke. i eat ice-cream up to 3 times a day, and i'm perennially feasting on mooncake and pecan pie. my fridge ought to die. just now, we ordered five stuffs (cakes/ ice-cream/ mudpie) and that was right after a crazy dinner and i actually ate half a tub of ice-cream before i left home. omagaawwwd, it made me wonder how me and merdin finished the five desserts we once ordered between the two of us. everyday i tell myself i will quit eating like i've crash dieted for ten days and it never happens. supper and ice-cream will put me back in taf club, i swear.

confided in aunty stefanie today and i'm learning from her. i hope it'll just all, work out. today she shared two pieces of very good news with us and contrary to cowfoo's guess that she was 1. having a kid and 2. getting married (in that order), no such luck. she's finally a proud owner of her home after five years, and she quit her job. she's flying off next week for a two and a half month holiday. (!!) omagawwwwwwd, i just love her way. she was actually contemplating the NORTH POLE and i secretly thought she was insane. she really is one of the most blessed people i know though, or maybe its cause she shares her blessings with me all the time. today, she went to palai and got a pair of shoes for practically nothing! mann, i want.

i feel like i must give special mention to our last night: we went to siglap (for the FIRST time, beat that) and ended up bingeing at seven-eleven. msg is the most evil thing ever, i think i can die from it. puked as we walked from gardens to take a cab and if we carried on walking home to kovan, we might just be in time for our morning jog. but no such thing, i only woke at noon today. finally. its been awhile since i've had a ten-hour to myself. anyway, "SKIN ON BONES!" "BONES ON BONES!" last night was just, a big fat HAHA-HARH to me. i mean, not trying to be rude here but seriously, HUH.

i'm dreading school. sunday nights are the worst. i'd give anything to replay it all. over. again.

2006-09-19T22:41:00.000+08:00

they were sexy for five days.

i'm drowning in carole king and dreaming happy. she is soooo good! i can't believe she's been on my playlist since forvever and i'm just discovering her wonder. carole king + james taylor = the stars putting on a show for free. watched all about love today and i was crying three quarters of the show away. i was sobbing for long periods during the show; the momentum was probably only broken once when a message came in. its so sad, yet so sweet, yet so disturbing if you dwell on the technicalities. but it made me yell: I WANNA FALL IN LOVE to an empty house, so go watch it if you want a good cry.

there's room enough for two, up on the roof.

2006-09-19T02:04:00.000+08:00

shopping some time back with daddy and mom.

a little love from my little love.

we are family,

i've got all my sisters with me, YEAH x7

if only to try out the red-focus function, hahaha.

only a day apart, this is freaky.

mandy, so camera unfriendly.

the only one i'd spend four hours watching the rain with.

i close my eyes and i count to ten, hope it's over when i open them.

one for you, one for me.

2006-09-19T01:02:00.000+08:00

cheers to the one who lost.

it's strange how we agonize over things that seem so inconsequential otherwise. he's not removed from my eyes as someone awesome, just that the way we stand has changed. i guess reciprocation, or rather the lack of it, changes feelings. it was good while it lasted, even the pain felt worth it. but bruising isn't fun at all, so maybe thats what the shell is for. instead its all about an unattainable now, disgustingly so. the only-the-best syndrome strikes again! woohoo! dandy! sickening mush. olive's theory does stand, after all. knew it all along but whoever listens to good advice. we all need a little reassurance sometimes; we know we've only got ourselves to talk through, but knowing judgement isn't the order of day just makes it that much easier. were you #3? goodbye #3, you couldn't compare to the first one anyway.

2006-09-18T01:38:00.000+08:00

we can sit before the tv and peel potatoes or dead skin, and i'll still find in it a yummy moment.

2006-09-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

PRELIMS, OUT!

this calls for a celebration, especially after that whole series of breaking down. i'm afraid i do suffer from a range of split personalities. or maybe its just the scared-to-be-alone symdrome. don't know don't care which, i'm alive. WHEEE! anywayohwayy, the exams were such a pain, especially math - which will prolly be the only subject i'll fail when its actually my best subject. GO FIGURE. whatever, let tomorrow's worries deal with tomorrow (or rather next week), cause BABY IT'S TIME TO PARTAYE! okay, not party, PARTY, but i really only need two things to have a wild time: FRIENDS and FOOOOOD. which is why i'm determined to wake up at seven tomorrow cause i BETTER exercise before feasting - which is what i'll surely be doing, tomorrow. of the million things on my post-prelims checklist, i've done the following so far: 1. pack the paper mountain and 2. paint zee nails redddd. however, all i did to those papers was to shift it from one corner of the house to another, except that its now actually in a pile - all stacked up! quite a good job considering i took 6 minutes. but as much as this makes me feel like bimbotic loser, i'm damn sad cause my nails aren't siren red like i intended it to be. its...blood red. which isn't that bad except i was so looking forward to siren red! now my fingers and toes look like they're bleeding. and i don't mean to go on complaing BUT (there's always a but, hahaha) i can't paint for corn! they look a week old when i did it maybe an hour ago. i'll be able to tick the third thing on my list off when i go jogging in the morning, which still leaves me with maybe, eight other "MUST-DOs" if the whole list under SHOPPING stays under one point. :D to add to my manic happiness, olive SORTA knows christian andrew. (!!!!!) that deserves a million 'OMAGAWD!s' i tell you. after all that failure in trying to get her to meet him on saturdays, gosh. its tragic he's attached, and has such a horrible name (so i'm sticking to his pseudonym), but he's good for the daily fantasy. :P anyway, i wanna say i love mama cause she took leave the entire week to make sure i had proper meals during the exams. so mother, a <3>

sometimes, i think there's abit of the tyrones in every family.
well i think of it this way..if u find someone worth it, that's great / but in the meantime, live for urself. / and this is something u need to believe in - never settle / in personal relationships and in your career / because u need to believe ur worth it.

i honestly can't think of living this long /this is what i think...i'm going to die anyway, i'm going to die in my terms /doing the things i like /so if i wanna drink i drink if i wanna smoke i smoke / but don't be like me haha / i will quit smoking sometime lol

www.lightamillioncandles.com
i'm #49628.

2006-09-08T23:50:00.000+08:00

one by one, all the most unlikely people make me think about life like i never did before. recently, i wondered why people say 'i do' to 'will you marry me?'. to the multitude that has proposed/accepted a proposal this way: it's just plain bad english. its all very confusing to me cause 'i do' has established itself (in my head at least) as the only acceptable way of accepting a proposal, yet it cant get more unromantic than 'do you want to marry me?', can it. it sounds as bad as 'shall we apply for hdb?' . i'm just glad marriage vows in the church aren't badly phrased and just decided that i want my husband to write his own vows to me. it happens, right? it just occured to me that the people in hk drama serials tend to get married in churches alot, but they always go to temples for divinations. i don't even know why i'm thinking so much about marriage, or a husband, when i don't even want anything to do with any of that.

for this week:
I HATE SCHOOL, I HATE EXAMS, I WISH I WAS A SMART RAFFLESIAN.
(okay, i take that back but i don't.)

2006-09-05T00:57:00.000+08:00

i was told a good comes after every bad.
but what if this bad never ends?

went down to dear old mackenzie today and popo looked frailer than 2 days ago. (she's not mine, mine but she's so loving i wish she was.) fragments of what stef said today made me worry that i might not be able to bring my kids over to visit and play with stef's kids one day though it feels like the most absurd thing to worry about since i don't even want to get married. thoughts, don't have to be coherrent all the time.

and after labelling everyone a love, a mother, a daughter, a sister/brother/kor/jie/whatever, i now have a need to find someone to just call, friend. it seems as though the only one i don't really wanna hear say good things about me, says so all the time. its nice, and i like it, but no, no, NO.

i need to study today. WISH ME LUCK!

2006-09-02T00:47:00.000+08:00

maybe for you, maybe for myself, or maybe for nobody at all.

i saw an old man blowing second hand smoke into his wife's face today. besides increasing my chances of lung cancer, and possibly giving me clogged arteries, i want to find a man whom i'd let puff like that into my face. thats when i find love.

i spent my day at coffeebean freezing my ass off a third of the time, another third having my papers thrown into the wind, and devoting the last to complaining about the sun on my back. tried to do math but i kinda forgot what stats is all about. all that big talk about getting eighty, hurhur. anyway, we hung around gardens till eleven-ish, eating and drinking and laughing and screaming - sometimes it feels like its all i'll ever need. then we all shared about moments worth drowning, people worth hanging. sometimes, i think i'd rather help a stranger than someone i used to know but no longer recognise anymore.

today, we also reaffirmed how nasty the word 'forever' is. unless you're in my love-list (and even then they don't say the F word cause it's too hanging), don't EVER use it on me i might just slap you. slap me if i ever fall for someone and contemplate its use. right now, the only people i can take it from's God, and my mom. anyway i'm excited about tmrw. me + merdin = UNPREDICTABLE MADNESS. (:

2006-08-30T23:20:00.000+08:00

three pins mean i-love-you;
four mean i-love-you-too.

even though i suck at bowling now, i think i might become a star if i train hard enough. HAHA. too little sleep made me a little cranky during impromtu bowling session today. BUT, getting a strike made it kinda worthwhile. also, acting like every strike we made was the best thing on earth made an otherwise terribly un-physical sport, extremely enjoyable. part 1 of prelims are finally over! we over-exaggerate how looong the torture is sometimes. gonna recharge the next few days, then bury myself into studies all over again come next week. omagawwwwd, really not looking forward to that.

on a more sombre note, stef's grams is really not doing well. its not like i know her very well but i think i've actually said more to her than to my own grandmother. maybe thats why it feels really sinking thinking that i won't hear her lilted accent calling me 'christina' anymore. i'm not sure what i can do to make stef feel better either and that feels really lousy. everyone, stranger or friend, christian or non-believer, by prayer or meditation or sheer will, please help now. thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

2006-08-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

on my way home today, i saw a couple lying on the side-walk benches, feet-to-feet. i thought i'd feel annoyed cause i hate public displays of whatever but they looked so happy, so quiet, so comfortable, i only looked on in envy. then i walked past the mini carnival and everything was done already. but i saw a little boy sitting in the mini viking ship with his maid planting her feet on either sides of the gaps and her hands on the poles, rocking the ship with all her might for the little boy. i felt my heart going in all directions. it reminded me of the little boy and daddy that i take the train with every morning and i think i'll really miss seeing the the father carry the son when i no longer do.

2006-08-23T19:47:00.000+08:00

my brains, or whatever's left of it after math mocks wiped most of it out 2 hours ago, is freakin causing my head to throb. (and yet here i am online, prefering to chat than to sleep.) anyway, the mocks were silly. we had to leave 20mins before three hours were up cause they were closing the shutters and if we didn't, we'd be locked in. i mean, HELLO - we were taking a pseudo exam; this ought to warrant an exception, right. anyhow, the last few days have disappeared the way people do at the bermuda triangle. i wanna say i need more time to study, but all i really do with more time is procrastinate. so all i want is for one week to pass so i can 'go to the beach and smell the air' as according to vincent. not that i deserve it. anyway, its elin's birthday so HAPPY TWENTY-SIXTH you're so old, man. lol.

i don't get how people can say anything the likes of i love you FOREVER and FOREVER AS ONE. omagawwwd. i hate hate hate it.

2006-08-20T00:24:00.000+08:00

after i'm done with this post, i am going to call merdin. then i will sleep, and begin tmrw mugging like mad cause there's too much to catch up, too much lost time i'm not sure i can make it all up.

during church today, i finally came to terms with myself. that means being honest with yourself and admitting stuff cause you're ready to handle the truth, right? i'm a loser, and it isn't so bad after all: its just that the boy i like, doesn't give a damn; the boy i wish would hit on me, turns up with his girlfriend; the only one i'd give my heart to, won't ever take it. so. but i saw healing today and videos do miracles no justice. maybe not for the first time, but i was overwhelmed by God's presence today. i felt so consumed i don't know what kind of love that was. all i'm sure of is that i'm in good hands, and right now, though the number of math sums i'm circling, the pile of econs i've not began, the lit essays i'm not breaking through in seem like the most dismal shit in the entire world, i have God on my side. this feels like its the only thing that matters.

whatever the case, one-thirders can now stand in a row, make petty adjustments, and WALA: you get the straightest line ever. to my gorgeous girlies, a line to you: if you look good, you'll look good no matter what. so stop fretting already! we'll make straights the latest in-thing if anyone cares.

there are new kids in town,
everybody's talking bout the new kids in town.
(:

2006-08-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

lets face it: girls like attention and flirting is innate. just like boys like to play, girls also like to bitch. so i'm learning not to label, we are all the same.

while last night went by like a 'butterful effect' (i still don't know what that means), i was fully conscious today. came home around 3 and got to sleep, a first in awhile. woke for time-out (that i don't deserve) with merdin and we make so much noise together i think the students around us were contemplating murder.

we talked about drug addict and it cracks me up thinking about how he really looks like. strange how we all fall for people a million miles from our wildest fantasies.

its 1115 and i've barely settled down after reaching home. hoho i'm gonna have to break my promise to lynn to sleep by 12 cause i might just be done with my bath then.

and stop making me feel like the queen of regrets already: TALK TO ME.

i hope the bus explodes now.
:DDD

2006-08-14T00:20:00.000+08:00

do you have to, do you have to let it linger..

what a weekend. the message in church was awesome i cant stop thinking about it. but once again, like i have for the millionth time this week, i snapped. i shall learn my lesson and never wear eyeliner on days i feel so crappy i know i'll break anytime. looking like i've got punched isn't exactly the look i'm going for. and i wanna talk, i wanna talk forever without having to say a thing. am i mad?

goodweekgoodweekgoodweek.

PLEASE.

2006-08-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

so come on baby, come on over, lemme be the one to show you..

it was supposed to be a good day and it started out being one. all it takes is one message, one moment, one reminder, and maybe one dateless friday to send my entire heart into the gallows. somedays you just want to cry forever; over lost loves, over might-have-beens, over a single regret that'll consume you till you actually forget and then you get scared you'd forget so you never stop thinking about it.

came home to cook my frustrations away and ended up with 2 burns; BUT they miraculously disappeared after my five hour nap - now THIS is the wonder of sleep. and my mom forgot her keys and so that was how i woke up at 11, only to have ice-cream dinner with mommy dearest. mama was awfully surprised to see me home on a friday night. it was meant to be a vcd/piggout/sleep/bathe(for once) night in but i only managed to eat, and sleep alot. lol. OH WELL, the night is young and though i've yet to finish lolita, on the road beckons.

things today/over the week to remember:
font-talking at 135am is a good way to start a saturday(:
i have never and do not intend to ever shit in a bush, NO MATTER WHAT.
didn't bathe from national day till this morning so i bathed twice to make up for it. its counted right? lol.
ate mr softie for the first time on tuesday.
niq left and goodbye isn't only about saying it.
my brother shaved his head and thinks he's too good looking.
kids can get mean, and they do get spiteful.
shopping and choosing shirts for daddy when we hardly ever talk, never go shopping together, and assume too much about each other. i love the way he shops: the sales people bring out throngs of clothing, my mommy picks according to dada's specifications, then i get to choose, and he just takes it. thats about the closest thing to 'sweet' thats ever transpired between us and it made me strangely very happy. i'm gonna feel so proud when i see him in the shirts/shoes/belts i had a say in though not the trousers cause they all look the same.
stef and janice came over to spread some love.
stayed up till threethirty and zombied my way to school with janice.
bad todays mean better tommorrows in my world. so, reason to stop sulking already.

weekendsweekendsweekendsilove.

2006-08-10T02:13:00.000+08:00

yesterday went by like the kaleidoscope we looked into. looked like the resident ambassador of the ang ku kueh shop in school today, but that was more funny than embarrassing actually. spent the morning at His Connection and the kids are really, super loveable. (most are, at least) and i'm always amazed by how readily they throw hugs at you. i mean, i guess cause they're kids but also precisely cause they're kids, so. okay that doesn't make much sense but my point is, the hugs are good.

went to cityhall after going home to bathe, and i really hurried up already though sheryl still fell asleep waiting, lol. got what i wanted for niq, though i kinda saw something i think he'd like TODAY, when he left yesterday. anyway, met up with the usual jaytwos and most of the very-much-missed jaythrees, and jia drove us to changi. the car-ride was hilarious and our legs felt patially paralysed when we reached T1. you can imagine how 5 people looked, squashed in the back-seat, lol.

the whole airport scene still feels kinda surreal cause effectively, we spent a grand total of maybe 5 minutes with niq. no bawling, but i couldn't stop in time. i kept asking, "you're not leaving yet right? nono, OH NO no no, not yet right?" for a moment, my heart felt so heavy. seems like everything does come to an end, after all. we were nowhere near best of friends but niq was someone special, in a way. i think i'll never find someone else who'd actually reply to 'OMG THAT SHOT WAS SO CHIO!' whenever the games are on.

held it all back yesterday, which is kinda rare considering how emotional i am. maybe that explains the crying that just came on the bus to supper just now. it wasn't only about another friend leaving, but also the frustration and disappointment and bitterness over so many other things i have no control over.

anyway, supper with those two was just what i needed. thank God for them. laughed and talked and the world made enough sense again.

i cant believe national day went poof! as i slept and ate and had tuition the day away. i need more than just one more day off to think, brood, and get some work done.

2006-08-06T02:45:00.000+08:00

rapture yday was hot, hot, hot. sometimes, we people watch too much. anyway, took missey o my proud mama's advice and dressed accordingly. now she's my fashionconsultantguru too, lol.

had a good sat on the whole, though it kinda freaked me out thinking how in three mighty weeks time, i'm gonna be taking PRELIMS. next week, (i don't care how) i will get down to studying for real. enough excuses, tee.

2006-08-04T01:06:00.000+08:00

we are building bridges..

the day has been officially coined Happy Thursday and not even a broken nail (that hurt like shit, by the way) could spoil it. thursday morning saw us getting all high by EIGHT cause carpenter's tools (or rather, KYLE) were such attention grabbers. jien and i are decidedly mad cause we risked losing what shreds of glam-ness left in us by racing to the track and shrieking cause we took a photo with the owner of the prettiest blue eyes i've looked into. pe was exceptionally marvellous today. we played captain's ball with some jayone class and honestly, i think we have so much more fun. despite getting pushed/knocked into/very accidentally hitting a boy in the nuts, it felt so good cause i havent felt so un-slobbish in the longest time. the highlight of pe was of course, the piggyback race! it was really hilarious i wish more people came cause eight lanes of piggybackers would have really taken the icing, man. lessons today were good too, and i was actually wide awake (okay, only TWO yawns) the entire day. plus pc was fun cause we talked alot more and everyone was in a good mood. went to mackers before econs and somehow, even these outings are becoming more special every time. and i cant believe my luck: in twentyfour hours i met two guys i might have had a crush on if these aren't all just chance encounters. one with such pretty eyes, and another with amazing ball sense (though i kinda never thought i'd find a basketballer attractive). ended my day with a big bang with vincent, who actually made it quite on time for once. (:

mr lee was really sweet today. he said he knew he was too harsh on me tuesday morning and i really respect him for that. he didn't have to, though it was nice, and for that (and all the fatherly things he told jien), i think he deserves more credit than what we give him.

its friday again!
weekends, ALOHA!

2006-08-02T22:49:00.000+08:00

i thought today, that maybe three years ago it would have meant alot more. now it just looks kinda misplaced. nope, not wanting to go there, not anymore. i saw a boy today that reminded me of kerrie. i think its that bright look in his eyes. somehow, people whom i've stopped thinking about come back to haunt me every now and then. even when you're miles away.. sometimes i'm baffled by the way i treat people. i walk away when i'm dying for a look and i never act on my chances. i'm losing by greater margins each day and i know it, but still i refuse to show that i care. i still believe in not wanting to be with someone you love, but that doesn't stop me from wondering if there's a someone out there i don't want to be with. we talked about rain and i thought i smelt your hair; can we talk about love forever?

graduation.. christmas.. will we ever get to the stage of confession? i'm really, not ready to risk losing yet. tell me, are you?

2006-07-30T00:21:00.000+08:00

saturdays are becoming such times-of-my-life, i shall die from over-excitement soon.
to have the four men of my life congregated in one hall drives me to serious distraction.
one i love, one i cant stop thinking about, one i respect, one that drives me crazy.
(don't try guessing who's who.)

i had a reality check today and its four weeks to prelims.
why in the world am i still online, feeling this happy (its obscene), and not in bed or trying to squeeze some studying in!!?
i have to be up by 6 today and its now 135.

OKAY, GOODNIGHT.

2006-07-28T01:28:00.000+08:00

so service learning went pretty well, except that my nose was being a bitch the entire time.
i had six girls in my charge and they're all so pretty!
i made rachel's paperbag extra nice cause she had to leave early and was such a coorperative kid.
she actually did her li jie wen dah without complaint - thats something i'm not used to.
outdoor play was the best bit, as usual, cause this time i truly learnt how to play hopscotch.
of course, i didn't pick it up from the million instructions the kids threw at me like the last time;
this time i learnt it from lynn and valeria (i think) and i actually got to the 7th box (!!!)
then we went to the field and game of the day was lao ying zua xiao ji :D
i think we had so much fun we could have played on forever.
i, was the irrefutable mother of all chicks (though i admit i'm quite lousy cause my chicks always got caught) and screamed myself breathless cause phlegm and yelling don't go hand in hand.
then we played what's the time mr. wolf and then i went to run/scream myself into the likes of a mad woman and so this boy, norman, grabbed at my mad hair, and tried to tie it up for me.
sweet - though he yanked more than gathered.

school went pretty okay today,
especially the bit where the whole one third were throwing lit devices and definitions at each other, lol.
and since we're including daniel in one-third, i ought to make special mention that he's now good enough for ocs. (:
and pe was so much fun as usual though i'd be bankrupt from unglam-ness already if our fining thing really took effect.
i cant believe i ran head-first into jules cause i couldn't stop, and then took a shot at scoring when my specs slid right to the ground. -__-
and alex happily gave me a swollen finger i'm not even sure how it came about anyhow.

and we all stayed put in class during pc.
(so much for the heart-pounding prior to the quizzing).

also, we contemplated going bald as a class for charity.
HAHA, now tell me again why these people make my day.

2006-07-26T00:06:00.000+08:00

DO NOT FRIGGIN TEST MY PATIENCE WHEN I AM THIS SICK.

highlights from the last i remember:
surprise party for niq that wasn't surprising after all.
other people's problems somehow becoming my own.
meeting that hottie in church.
dying from 532535234 essays.
falling bloody sick.
getting an unexpected mail from sam tio.
listening to shit that i don't want to hear, but listen to anyway.

i have too many questions i need answers to.
everyone's been feeling so lousy and depressed and jien tells me it's the time period.
i have so many things i want to say now but we all know blogs are meant for reading, so.

I HATE THIS DAMN TIME PERIOD.
just bloody leave my friends alone.

2006-07-19T22:43:00.000+08:00

i have had enough of kids, at least for now.
and while i always fantasize about the love child i'm gonna have with nadal, today's experience is making me think twice.
in case i sound like i exaggerate, this should be proof enough:
i ended my first session with my kid telling lynn, "i don't like tina jie jie anymore."

i played the see-who-moves-first game, attempted to teach english comprehension to a girl who refuses to look at her work 5 seconds without yawning, tried teaching p5 science but ended up sharing the answer sheet with lynn, had to put up with girls one-fifth my size wanting to 'tie your hair!' cause 'wah your hair so nice smell!' while having my ribbon and clips taken off my head and playing with marble-like thingys which are actually magnets in disguise.

then i had to cope with a girl who couldn't keep her hands off me, and sat on my lap at every opportunity. my kid didn't like talking much bout school so my attempt to understand how she felt about it was kinda futile. then it was outdoor time and i ended up learning hopscotch from a girl who kept yelling at me when i tried taking my birks away from the box or when i turned away cause someone else was calling me. then there was the whole hoo-haa over our handphones (evil technology) which made two girls very unhappy (it was what caused my kid to not like me) and so while my girl attached herself to lynn, the other one dragged me away from the rest and i realised being a volunteer not only meant listening and helping, it also meant piggy-backing and running from pond to garden and playing pass-the-ball with a soccer ball and 5 excited kids.

oh did i mention, my purse got horrible molested cause my kid didn't wanna give it to me?
i cant even say 'give it BACK to me' cause i never let her take it in the first. -__-
(i've decided to leave the phone, AND the wallet at home next time.)

there's one kid i really like from all the rest, though.
she came over when we had to leave and was the first to initiate a hug - i thought that was really sweet.
and though i make my kid and some of the others sound like little monsters, they're actually NOT THAT BAD, la.
there were MOMENTS where i knew what i was actually doing there, and there's something about them that makes me wanna go back.

this is making me not wanna have any fantasies about nadal tonight.

2006-07-19T15:15:00.000+08:00

it's 3.11pm on a wednesday afternoon and i'm HOME!
need to leave in five minutes for HISConnection but this is a momentous situation you see -
i'm close to never home right after school.
had my dose of sushi and fries after living on ONE slice of wholemeal, ONE cup of cereal, and i think 5 squares of a waffle, lol.
oh and banana&mice!

track&field finals today!!
GO CEDAR, GO!

i cant wait to see vanessa again.
shall update later!

2006-07-19T00:03:00.000+08:00

that was as agonizing as it could get.
maybe one day, i'll be able to pretend into reality.
then the bitterness will be gone.
(just one more to add to that feelings-i-hate list)

free thrill of the day(!!) :
skipping the bridge with olive; losing, and then finding Butter again!
it's alot more liberating than you think.
one day, i'm gonna skip on the longest bridge in the world (whichever it may be) and remember that being out of breath is one of the best feelings in the world.

tim mcgraw to faith hill:
everything i was, more than i am; and all of this happened by taking your hand.

2006-07-17T22:51:00.000+08:00

the week ended and kicked off with non-stop phone calls almost back to back for about 6 hours. :D
that kinda resulted in a very drowsy day but pe drove some sleepy away though it felt a little inhabiting not being allowed to scream cause of the oral going on above.
i've been wanting to be quiet - obviously not badly enough and to no avail either.
i think i never learn: i ALWAYS talk for hours on end and end up dying the next day.

anyway, subway-ed after pe today!
i love oatmeal raisin though i suspect its a smaller cut than the other cookies cause i always finish it in double time.

okay, off to bed - the two and a half last night will kill me if i don't right now.
(i really hope the week bahaves.)

2006-07-16T01:03:00.000+08:00

if you knew what was on my mind,
i think i'd scare you to death.
i know listening to more would be the most stupid thing to do,
but i ended up falling a little deeper, and feeling a little more squelched.
i cant believe i feel like crying already -
i wonder what'll happen when i actually attend show-and-tell.

thanks jules, thanks xuyun, for making the trip down to adam today.
the gesture was really sweet.
<3

2006-07-15T15:49:00.000+08:00

somehow, din and i always say the most mushy, thoughtful, meaningful stuff when we take long walks home.
we're just so happy for each other (strangely, since she thinks she's disgusting and i'm trying to stop smiling at my phone).
we just talk about so many things, and how we are the way we are.
she always complains about how her friends say she talks 'like a loudspeaker' and she always thinks 'wait till you meet tina'. LOL.
and we laugh at silly manda sometimes cause i still cant believe she waited 2 hours at my void deck cause she was afraid of a 'sleeping tina'.
i think i (used to) terrorize my friends.
anyway, we came to the conclusion that cedarians just, cannot whisper.
and i'm actually quite proud of it.

i had an ultimate island creamery experience yday cause us three girls wiped out 5 scoops of icecream plus 2 mudpies and a burnt alaska.
we felt so damn sick after that!
the movie was sold out so we ended up nursing our nausea with green tea and toufu and sushi.

during the wait for my last bus home, din and i decided we were gonna make regular days for our rendevous(es)!
we're gonna form a committee and delegate positions soon. hahaha.
right now, i cant think of a better way i could have ended my week.
these girls drive my deepest heartaches/headaches away.

"i love the way you love people."
("i love the way you love people, too.")
(:

2006-07-13T19:34:00.000+08:00

i'm really mad at myself now cause i don't know what the hell is wrong.
i don't know why i'm getting grades like DSEVEN for gp cause its damn english please and it's the only shit in the entire exam you don't need to study for cause YOU JUST PASS.
and i don't care if it makes me a cocky loser but I DON'T BLOODY FAIL GP.
this whole results shit's all just not going right - econs. HELLO i don't even know why i laughed at my grades my scripts can be recycled already, about now.

i cant believe i allow myself to be patronising and listen to all of that when i'm actually so crumpled already.
it's war between wanting to know, and not wanting to listen anymore.
right now, my heart just sank a few notches lower and i'm in no mood for tuition at TENTHIRTY.

2006-07-12T00:58:00.000+08:00

obvious, obvious, obviously.

this word's been repeating so many times in my head it doesn't even sound like a word anymore.
maybe i need a break from all that excessive laughter/chatter/screaming, and try to find a quiet me within.

it's just getting so much harder to articulate without being read.
i really need to shut up more.

2006-07-09T23:13:00.000+08:00

If I listened long enough to you,
Id find a way to believe that its all true.
Knowing that you lied straight-faced while I cried -
Still I look to find a reason to believe..

the federer/nadal finals are going onbelow cause i couldn't bear to see my baby lose the second set when he was so close to evening out.
i think the aviva ads are really cute: you have this nadal wannabe kid reaching 5012..5013 bounces on his aeropro, and then restarting again cause he dropped the ball. how inspiring is that! (okay i admit i love it cause he's imitating nadal. :D)
anyway, according to the commentators, having 'wimbledon ballboy' on your CV's just as good as having an MBA. that's just so woah!

-

i couldn't resist so i squatted at the stairs and finished up the match. :D
didn't really get what rafa was trying to say at the thankyou speech but he's just so adorable!
but federer deserved it la, he's honestly drop dead OOMPHish on grass.

(my sister's response to my baby's bad english)
Elinie.. says:
yeah imagine if he's ur lover...u ask him to kiss ur lips he kiss ur cheek if u ask him to hold ur hand he end up carrying u on piggy back

HAHA, honestly i wouldn't mind that anyhow very much.

2006-07-08T01:01:00.000+08:00

it was the love of my life taijienjien's birthday on thursday and i hereby declare my undying love for her!
she's still my #1 girlfriend of choice if i ever wake up a man. :D
one-thirders enjoyed her birthday as much as she did, i bet, cause we somehow manage to make any situation (even walking to the busstop from serangoon - note: lor liew lian was like the best set of alliterative words we've ever heard) stich funny and even at the height of our hunger, we make stealing food from under the net thingy seem like an adventure. :D
making-the-video was one of the greatest highlights and though half the world prolly won't get it, we'll roll in laughter each time we hear "SHARAPOVAAA" or "i'm broke! i'm broke!".
jien just told me the video has been viewed 34 times and it was put up just 4 hours ago.
OOHLAALAA what are the chances of getting talent scouted! LOL.
once i get my hands on the mt faber and jien's bday pics from lynn's shutterfly account i'm gonna add them to the ones i stole from jien's blog, and feast like crazy.
maybe i'll even develop some for my album of one-thirders (:

i'm beginning to love them more and more and this scares me:
annabella's still the only one who makes 'gross' so funny like when she spits her food out to take pictures, i'll never forget.
julie's my cutest, most auntie sister who's also the part-time manager of our band - YESTERDAY.
lynn's the super steady/reliant/positive sweetie who still always put things in perspective for me.
sheryl's the one i feel safe with and she's such a sweetheart with so little unglamness.
olive's my carebear ballet superstar, the one i like linking arms and leaning on and just - talking - to most.
jien's my all time favourite heart doctor and she keeps me sane (during exams) and drives me nuts (every other time) and she always makes sure i feel loved.

i think leaving all this behind is gonna be alot harder than i ever imagined.

2006-07-05T22:29:00.000+08:00

we all change, and i hope its for the better.

i am really blessed.
all i can say is:
God is good, all the time;
all the time, God is good.
(:

after school today, me and jules went over to lynn's place to nap.
i slept for about two hours and her maid officially thinks we're mad -
we dance, sing, play-act on one, and sleep like that on another.

its feels stone-ish today.
study schedule for the next 8 weeks will be up by next.
i should know all my grades by then so planning'll be easier.

i just read Shape and feel like a slob now -
my go-jogging-three-times-a-week plan is sucha pain cause i never get down to more than once a week if at all.
apparantly downing alot of water in the morning's supposed to be really good for the system so i might try that tmrw.
(hope i don't puke)
anyway, i considering some 'beauty myths':
#1. washing your hair in egg white AND yogurt's really good. (one beaten egg white and 5 spoonfulls of natural yogurt)
#2. alternatively, BEER works just as well, or maybe even better. (i cant remember if it was given three or four stars)
#3. toothpaste reduces the size of your pimples. (how strange is that)

nadal's up in abit!
hope he kicks niemenen's ass.
that'll give me one more reason to sing and cheer!

2006-07-02T16:27:00.000+08:00

the weather is insanely warm i feel like going to the beach.
spent the long weekend feeling high and invincible except that i completely depleted my money before i got my new allowance.
but thats okay, its JULY and it will be a good month!

went out with manda on friday and i cannot believe she made a "flip phone" out of her nokia.
she's really so silly i'm speechless sometimes.
and its scary cause i'm having more "amanda moments" myself. lol
had dinner with merdin and maria at billy's as promised and we're always over-ordering.
i love the banana milkshake its divine, i swear - it contains SEVEN/NINE scoops of icecream with chunky banana bits and its so yummy!

spent the night at manda's with merdin and we made a mad dash for home to bathe and hopped on the last train but missed the last bus.
thank God for taxis!
maria couldn't join us that night though cause she had tennis in the morning.

highlights! :
- we finished three bags of chips within the 12 hours we hung out together. hahaha, its impossible to stop!
- painted my nails for the first since p school i think. manda did red and white for england and intended to do yellow and green for brazil the next night, lol
- had plenty of girl-talk and exchanging of music.
- learnt the messy do from din that mandy's been dying to learn. (:
- fell asleep in the strangest position ever and i dun think i moved the entire night. haha

i cant really remember the details anymore but i remember being really happy.

came back yday afternoon and went for church in the evening.
the message on compromise was really apt it got me thinking bout so many things.
went for dinner at adam and stef stayed over last night!
we tried making the mentos shoot from the can of diet coke to barely any avail i think we need more coke, more mentos.
surfed between soccer and wimbledon and its so sad agassi lost for the last time.
for once i wouldn't mind if nadal didn't win, actually.

we both did silly things like WEARING A SHIRT THE WRONG WAY and wondering why the cut was so wierd, lol.
and okay - SNOOZING so many times unconsciously.
i duno why we found it all so funny actually, but it just was, to us.
:D

and i just realised the sangria stef bought is still in the fridge!

my mommy made me so excited yday -
four new bras and eleven new underwears to add to my lingerie collection.
WOO!

2006-06-30T00:19:00.000+08:00

scratch all the unhappiness cause baby, i am one heckuva loved girl.

if i never marry (and she doesn't),
me and din shall live in a bricky house with parapats and a lawn big enough for us to barbeque our own chicken wings and a kitchen big enough for baking together in serangoon gardens.
and if we can afford, we'll throw in a home gym, a pool and tennis court (among other 'unaffordables').
:D

this darling is the sweetest thing ever.
when she found out bout me and my mom,
she (tried to surprise me, lol) took me to gardens and treated me to so much happy food.
she refused to let me pay and i think she would have shouted ice-cube down if did, lol.
i promised to treat her if she ever fights with her mom so she better come running to me. (:
anyway, TWO of us finished a banana-caramel waffle, an apple-crumble with icecream, a cookies and cream mudpie, a chocolate brownie with CHOCOLATE icecream AND cheesefries.
i feel sick just talking about it now, hahaha.
seriously man, i think we consumed 5000 calories in that hour.
we felt so sick of sweet stuff we left and went for chicken wings and limejuice next, hahaha.
then we walked the inner loop of gardens itself and i showed her all three houses i used to live in.
we fell for so many houses so we're now determined to own one of those yummy properties :D

after that, we sat for abit then walked some more,
this time by a different route to kovan.
we discovered so many places we havent been to eat at yet cause we're always 'acting rich' and dining at nydc/swensons all the time.
hahaha, to think we said all that and are still going billy bombers tmrw, lol.
ANYWAY, we bought durian puffs from emicakes cause i conceded and decided to be nice and merdin just is, to her dad. (:

my feet are aching from all that walking but i'm happy.
i really don't know how i got so lucky - friends like this don't just come along.
and me and mommy are on talking terms now, though i can still smell the tension.

i hope everyone can make it for soccer tmrw.
i miss maria, manda and merdin (already)
(:

2006-06-29T15:34:00.000+08:00

math paper went really awful for me today.
so ask at your own risk cause i'll be bloody whiny.
i usually just stop at yelling and fretting, but today i cried.
i'm not sure it was all about the math paper.

anyway, it was horrible but thank God for ONE THIRDERS who called/stayed around/offered hugs/tissue..
i'm so drama sometimes, i swear.
and of course MERDIN. (thankyou)
so naturally, feeling the way i did, i called mommy to talk and HOHO,
she was so mean about it.
(she yelled at me and then hung up.)
and as if that wasn't bad enough, she called again during lunch with lynn at sakae where we were working on making ourselves happy and yelled at me, again.
(and then hung up.)
and i wonder where i get my manners from.

i'm not gonna paint her so ugly on my blog but really,
that was too much.
i honestly did not need all that shit.
and if words are meant to be taken back,
then she'd better start.

how does it feel like to be told you can be measured in dollars and cents;
and that your future needs no stretch of the imagination cause you can 'go rot if you want'.
(this is just a gist, okay.)
and thankyouverymuch for comparing me to people like bryant chiang - go adopt him if you want.

if i'm all about how much you spend, then rest assured i'll make it someday and won't shortchage you.
if you think i don't think about my future, then i'm sorry i do cause its my life (or don't you keep emphasizing that i'm not your problem already)
and if my worth is measured by my grades, then i don't know why i try so hard to be the best daughter.

and i want to say i don't care/whatever/its the menopause,
but i cant stop crying cause the one person i try so hard not to disappoint says things that hurt more than any childhood caning.

when the welcome will not end.

2006-06-28T16:26:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i dreamt of demand/supply during my afternoon nap. (!!?)
now tell me, why don't i ever prepare early even though i jolly know day-befores always freak me out.

ANYWAY,
I CANNOT BELIEVE SPAIN (or rather torres and raul) ARE OUT!
i am so sad.
now i have to rely on RONALDO, the next cutie in line (i like fat la, okay) for the rest of the WC.
but then there's ballack (who looks like antonio bandaras to me, lol) and kaka and so i dun think its THAT bad la.
(BUT TORRES AND RAUL...)
i cant believe i chose sleep over the last match i'll prolly watch for the next four years that spain plays.
and NADAL PLAYS TONIGHT!
i'm childishly hoping he meets a french guy and kicks his butt just so spain gets mini revenge.

okay, ONE DAY ONE DAY ONE DAY.

(ONE DAY!)

2006-06-27T11:49:00.000+08:00

two down, two more to go [fail].

i really should stop prophesizing my doom.

2006-06-25T18:39:00.000+08:00

i am supremely screwed for blocks.
four days.

HURRY UP END, LA.

2006-06-23T23:23:00.000+08:00

i almost forgot jien's moment-of-the-day:
she's mistook louis ho (the teacher), for louis koo (the hongkong actor).
hahaha, LOSEUR!

2006-06-23T22:42:00.000+08:00

its friday already!
blocks will be over in a week!
i cant wait cause i need to get it out of the way, pronto.
its time to get over this monotony of unproductivity cause i feel like i can relate to silas marner pre-eppie already, i swear.

ANYWAY, the scanner's not connected for some strange reason and i've got a whole list of happy/funthings we said/did today that i jotted down cause i always forget.
its all kinda nonsensical but to those who get it, enjoy!

#1. yi zhen leng feng. *clap and whistle in sync, jien!*
#2. i am a sporty nerd with forks in my hair. HAHA, i love this one.
#3. did ariel use a fork or a purple comb-like thing to comb her hair? (i say fork, jien says purple-like thing.)
#4. HOT + FAT = FOTTY!
#5. my mucus?? nono - NUCLEUS. lol!
#6. ice-cream is so cold. (this isn't even funny, actually, but somehow, it made it to the blog-sheet. haha)
#7. i smelt blood and i thought my nose was bleeding. haha bimbo moment. (we're still trying to figure who in the world bled on my econs notes. this is kinda freaky.)

other random stuff today:
#1. i saw a uni-brow guy and he's so hairy!
#2. i straddled the 20cents/ride horse and then squeezed into the mini-car during one of our hour-long breaks talking.lol. (it reminded me of yuexing, hahaha.)
#3. i think snap is the best card game ever! i wanna get happy family, old maid and donkey next. :D
#4. jien's crayons are so fun to use! which kinda explains the brazil, torres, raoul and SPAIN scribbled all over me. lol
#5. serene centre is a cute-baby haven. jien is making kidnapping plans tonight, i bet.
#6. i'm sligghhttly worried that i'm enjoying myself too much, but really - Anxiety can stay with Godfrey, cause i like Carefree. :D

i declare love for the grey's anatomy soundtrack!
(even though i only know 3 songs from there and i don't even watch the show, lol)

song of the day: Girlfriend by n sync and nelly.
somehow the literal songs make me smile.

okay byebye, it's SOCCER (spain) TIME!

2006-06-23T04:02:00.000+08:00

ice-cream time!

tempted to lick it clean, lol.

take #1

take #2

take #3

the object of our affection.

2006-06-23T03:14:00.000+08:00

because of the complaints i get about my mini-troublesome-need-to-scroll-alot blog,
i have changed it. (:
i really am getting better than this man - it's only three something am.
the last time i tried changing my layout i slept at six.
haha.

anyway, happy times with the loves of my life the past week:
- jien jien, my 20-minute-attention-span study partner. i don't know what kind of shape i would be in this week if not for her - mugging alone with that head of mine would drive anyone to shove their head into the microwave.
- manda and din and maria, without whom my life would surely be in shambles. thankyou for being the people i can run to at 3am for screaming, crying and mothering.
- stef and sheeni - i don't think i need to say how blessed i am to have you two.
- vincent (hello please tag if you're a secret fan!) who makes me feel smart for 2 hours a week.

had fun shopping with 'future celebrity' ken-the-man today and we are honestly the ultimate bitches when it comes to couples.
they bear the brunt of our spinsterhood but honestly la, some people should really a) get a room, or b) get a bed.
i mean, HELLO stop making out in macs cause its MACS and CHILDREN go to macs and the leg-hookings are too much even for me.

i've been trying to study this week as promised to myself but i just cant stop getting distracted.
honestly, i'm trying.
but noooo - not working.
i cant sleep at night i'm so tired;
and i'm not even eating properly my whole body feels screwed up.
i end up watching bits of soccer with the lights out and tv flashing and mineral water that i know i should stop drinking after eight actually if i don't want eyebags.

can someone sing me a song soon?
i'm tired of pitch-perfect music and my own voice in the shower.

2006-06-19T10:28:00.000+08:00

smile,tina,smile ((:

love,
-me.

ps:// sorry,cant see the captions for each individual pic.i ll send it to you over msn. ((:

2006-06-19T02:13:00.000+08:00

our futile child-like attempt to stop time.

we're missing maria here.

traffic-stopping. (:

just so i'll know there's always something to smile about.

everytime you cry.

2006-06-19T01:13:00.001+08:00

I hear he's kicking ass across the board and rock two hundred thousand higher scorer just in time to save the world of being taken over - he's a warrior. I couldn't play again because the game it never end it never even landed on the can and never let me in to spend my quarter, there's no love for me no more. Say it isn't so, how he easily come, and he easy go. Please don't tell him that i've been meaning to miss him(because I don't). He was the boy with the broadest shoulders but he would die before I crawled over them - he is taller than I am. He knew I wouldn't mind the view there or the altitude with a mouth full of air he let me down the doubt came out until the now became later. Say that it isn't so, how he easily come, how he easy go. Please don't tell him that 'cause he don't really need to know that I'm crazy like the rest of us (and I'm crazier when I'm next to him). So why after the all of everything that came and went I care enough to still be singing of the bitter end and broken eras I told you I don't but, I am only trying to be the best with my intent to cure the rest is sure to lay me ease the plural hurts of the words of reverse psychology - that's easier said, easier than done. Please don't dare tell him what I've become; please don't mention all the attention I have drawn; please don't bother cause he'll feel guilty when I'm gone because I'm crazy like the rest of us (but I'm crazier when I'm next to him) and it's amazing how he's so self-assured. But I know he'd hate me if he knew my words: Do I hurt anymore?

the past few days shall go unpublished, for now.

little miss curiosity

2006-06-16T00:18:00.000+08:00

what a difference a day makes,
and the difference is you.

i just got back from the jamie cullum concert courtesy of lynnern's tickets and julie's invitation.
it was so good!
i used to have a nono-rule for vertically challenged guys but this one's just too cute.
i'm in love with his moppish hair!
its been sucha sweet day:
meet steffie for shopping and we had so much fun in the changing rooms.
didn't get anything then though but bought stuff from la senza in the end.
then dinner time with jules' family turned out good cause her family's so easy-going.
plus her dada and mommy were really nice and treated me to dinner at fish&co.
:D :D :D

anyway, met WEIYAN and her sister at the concert and they're both so adorable la.
we took photos and then me and jules headed to our (free) seats which were really good!
met two lovely strangers who were sitting with us.
lavenia (i think thats her name) whipped out her cam 5 seconds after saying hi and we actually camera whored before exchanging names. lol.
turned out the two lovelies are part timing at ben and jerry's and they asked us to visit them at great world and they'll give us extra large scoops of ice cream.
and it turned out we (me and that lavenia girl) both dig phish food!
yummy.
we kinda got split after running to the front (pseudo moshpit) and i think its a pity we didn't get to exchange contacts.

anyway, the highlight being jamie - i was absolutely swept off my feet when he got on.
his voice live is so sexy!
he danced and made everyone laugh and he jumped and sat on the piano and hence broke it and he made me wanna snuggle under my blanket and think about rainy days.

today handed me a new-found love for jamie-jazz. (:
snippet of my favourite song of the night:
I got women all around the globe
and I'm captain of the football team at home
Now will I ever ever tell you the truth?
Well that depends on what the truth means to you
'Cause I'm just a liar like you
A liar like you

be my guest.

2006-06-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

i am so annoyed.
and the worst thing's that i cant even say go away cause you're nowhere near.

so can i.

2006-06-12T22:58:00.000+08:00

just chatted with elsy for abit, and i think she's finding it really hard to insert the 'haha' s and the '!!' s characteristic of our usual conversations and i feel bad, as if i'm forcing it out of her.

today, i heard high over the teevee.
its silly but i started crying.
but honestly la, how is 'when you're close to tears remember, someday it will all be over..' supposed to make you feel remotely, high!?

went to toa payoh for the first in a loong time and on my way home at the busstop, i met a mad man.
and i don't mean haha-mad cause he was downright freaky!
when i alighted to switch buses he called out to me "eh ah lian! wah ah lian ah, ah lian!"
i tell you, its damn hard to keep a straight face when some psycotic-looking indian man starts yelling "ah lian!" at you the minute you alight a bus please.
firstly, (okay, no offence but) AH LIAN?!
(and just for the record) i wasn't even flashing my gold chain.
anyway, that guy kept yelling at me to turn around and it got quite freakish so i actually did and then this old man walked past me and he said i almost killed that guy.
HELLO. he then proceeded to CURSE MY (already dead) GRANDFATHER I GOT SO MAD!
i mean, its one thing to be insane and on the streets;
its a whole different story to be insane, on the streets, verbally abusing me, AND SCOLDING MY ANCESTORS.
okay i admit i wasn't the only one he picked on - little boys kicking a soccer ball got yelled at for wearing the England jersey.
SEE WHAT I MEAN.
anyway, the bitch in me was irrepressible.
i was actually really scared but it got to a point where The Look could not be helped.
HOHO. and guess what - he then threatened to KILL ME.
gosh i tell you, i wanted to scream.
in fact, i was all-ready to.
if he did come so much as an inch near me i would scream the entire busstop down.
thank goodness he switched target to a pretty maid who cycled past and you can imagine how repulsive he was trying to pick her up.
and then finally, my bus came and he looked at me again and said 'sorry ah, joke joke. joking la so serious.'
like, after all that you call it a 'joke joke'?!
talk about strange, man.

anyway, mom almost did something outrageous today.
she imagined it was me she saw walking out of the train HAND IN HAND with a boy. lol.
she very very nearly (and i'm surprised she didn't) shout 'baobei! who's that boy!'
omg! she's so cute sometimes when she told me about it she started saying things like 'heh heh baobei, what if you get a boyfriend before your sister! the first thing your mother will ask you is "baobei! handsome not!" (haha) see your mother's so cool'.
and then she goes on and on about how she doesn't believe there's a need to hide blahblah..in other words telling me what a great momma she is and yes, she really is. :D

Theres a lady whos sure
All that glitters is gold
And shes buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.

*

by the way, how could i even forget:
CONGRATS RAFA BABY!
i always knew you'd make it sixty. :D

the world around us disappears

2006-06-10T21:44:00.000+08:00

had island creamery 2 hours ago and i'm still feeling happy about it.
the four of us were trying so hard to take good photos for the wall our first printed shot had us looking like strangers. lol.
anyway, we took 3 in the end cause mr. soh turned up and after around 8 attempts to get a proper one, whats another shot, really. :D

got to talk to stef for abit and sometimes, i really wonder what some people think about.
we were talking bout this girl we both know and i don't get why she says totally different stuff about the same issues to the both of us.
its..disturbing.
and it gets to me the way she's so clingy and whiny (is whiny the english equivalent to 'tairh'?) towards guys.
is it just me or shouldn't this brand of behaviour be universally unpopular amongst girls?

nehow, tmrw's the all-important super exciting match-up between both my loves at the french finals!
ohmygosh i cant wait!
and though i keep bluffing myself i am absolutely neutral i'm not so secretly rooting for nadal to make it 60!
and i'm typing in exclamations!
but i don't care!
cause i'm really really excited!!!
LOL

study mode to begin come monday!
i'm actually looking forward to it.
i made a short mental list on my way to church just now:
1. buy study food.
2. upload study music.
3. sleep early.
4. jog in the evenings.
5. stop pulling out my hair.
6. not to feel guilty - if i need a date, just go.

i'm all ready to get started!
(and i really hope this energy lasts.)

sing and smile you're my hero

2006-06-10T00:28:00.000+08:00

ohmygosh i cannot believe i just walked into my parents room in my underwear WITH MY DAD IN BED.
both tvs with scv are tuned into world cup so i cant bloody watch my french open.
(i don't know why everyone cant watch together.)
anyway i happily passed my mom my skirt to bring to the wash so i hopped into her room 10mins later going "ehh can switch to tennis for awhi....OMG!" then i backed out of the room chanting "ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod".
and my mom just had to walk out 30seconds later laughing at me (and reminding me to bathe) -___-

i just got back from town with my darling cedar old-timers :D

quote of the day courtesy of manda: "i'm around 50kg plus minus - but i prefer minus."
HAHA. she's so silly sometimes i feel normal next to her, lol.

anyway, great time with the girlies i think we should be on candid camera full time.
got to talk quite abit and kinda high updating each other.
yann and manda left earlier which left me with the 2 darlings and i got them swooning over my special someone.
LOL.
walked din to the busstop at my hse and this time, we made sure she was on the right side.haha.
we had abit of a heart to heart and were laughing ourselves silly over some "ALOT" thing we were doing :D :D

cant wait for this whole a level business to be over, man.
so not looking forward to the piles of notes awaiting entry into my empty brain.
2 weeks to mug i cant wait.
right.

anyway, tennis camp was fun to say the least.
not that we played tennis (discounting that 30mins of rubbish hitting) or anything remotely draining,
i just got so damn tired from that horrible running nose and eye infection.
went to the docs todayand she told me the virus that infected my nose infected my eyes as well (which explains the discharge and swelling in them).

the juniors were real sweethearts i think they're madly in love with us :D
they made us yummy shirts that read "there is no love in this courtship" and did a really moving video presentation for us.
i cried the first time i watched it, experiencing a million flashbacks and thinking about how we'll be letting go (for real) already.
i know i've never been anywhere close to being great/important in tennis, but there are people i've met these 6 years who mean so much to me.
i've never thought about it but tennis has been such a major part of my life - a whole third of my puny existence.
there're too many things i'm holding on to;
too many thing i'm afraid to forget.
i'm even digging way back to sec one days where we silly girls train so hard to make it as reserves.
being tyrannical to my juniors, going gaga over my seniors, crying over a million losses, participating in spex and humiliating myself big time, getting bowled over by the elite players - these are but mini fragments of my younger tennis memories.
saints tennis was a whole different story - i manageds to nett 5pts for my o's and this was the only thing that held me back.
this team is amazing. i never thought so many people could love each other so much.
it was purely God's grace and that thing we had for each other that got us smack at top4.

this year's team's special too, just in a different way.
i'll have to admit its hard to replicate the kind of relationships we forged the year before but this team's big love too.
the girls are sacharrine and we work so well together. they have such yummy personalities i think half the boys in school have ought to fall madly in love now.
and the guys - lets just say they come out tops next to the horror stories bout other boys from my friends.

i'm really sad, actally.
its too soon, too fast.
i thought of a million comfort words to say to zhixuan when he said he was sad too,
but i don't really know what to say, after all, cause those words don't mean much to me either.
"cheer up" can sound an awful lot like foreign language sometimes.
just please don't say "its time to move on" cause its stale, and we all know it.
and its sick how its coming to the time where we need to start making decisions about our futures.
mr. soh and i were talking the other night when i met him at camp and he said that old as it sounds, 'follow your heart' is really what we ought to do cause we've still got the time to make u-turns.
i really want to, just that my heart's sending mad signals about the kind of future i'm looking for.
dear God, please shed some light.

right now, i'm really praying for focus and concentration.
i cant seem to get down to real work yet and its making me feel grossly guilty.

anyway today i heard cheryl my cherrybananas's having an eating disorder and she's super skinny now.
i'm worried for her cause apparantly she's a little green/yellow and dat cant be a good sign.
hope i can talk her round the next we meet.

its 2am now.

(okay, time to bathe. :D)

everybody knows how to fly

2006-06-06T01:00:00.000+08:00

your love is better than ice cream,
better than anything else that i've ever tried.

a hiphip for my love who just advanced to the quarters!
love his passing shots they are just so impossibly yummy.

elin went back to hong kong this morning and i didn't send her off.
we got to chat for abit in the evening though.
as much as i can, i'm staying away from the airport.
my love-hate relationship with it is really tipping the scales.

gonna watch she's the man tmrw with stef, xuan, and either his sister or his sister's friend.
the 'shes' in the messages were so confusing i gave up asking.
i cant fathom why i want to watch it cause its just not something i'd pay for.
but whatever the reason, i'm glad i'm going.

i managed to sit through some math today though the ratio of finished sums to that of circled ones are damn depressing.
lol, at least i started right.

watching tennis the last few nights got me thinking.
sometimes just concentrating on watching point by point takes its toll on me i'm just thinking, how is it that these guys can do this thing every single day for like, 20 years of their lives?!
i get lapses from watching and there they are, swinging like their life depended on it.
i love tennis but i dun think i've found something that'll make me live for it.
or maybe its just that crazed discipline i lack - evident from my couch potato lifestyle.
i just thought, is it the sam

somewhere down the road

2006-06-05T00:26:00.000+08:00

this week, i've spent an enormous amount of time shopping.
somehow, me and janice have spent almost every day of our week in town finding inspiration for stef's bday (while trying on dress after top after jeans after lingerie after shoe after.. you get the picture) and have still not managed to comb the entire orchard.
i also watched my first midnight movie this week and i tried getting the people to stay while the xmen credits were rolling cause there was that last scene at the end!
the annoying idiots blatently ignored me.
tsk.
anyway, stef's bday party went well and i'm super glad she had fun and enjoyed her special day.
i'm so tired of recounting the whole thing i'll do an entry on it soon.
or maybe everyone should just refer to stef's blog for the details.lol.

everytime i wear my feather earrings, i get the wierdest comments.
the last time was when we were supermarket shopping before Funka and this little girl asked how come i had feathers in my ears.
this time, the taxi uncle picked us up cause he was damn intrigued by 'those jimao (chicken feathers)' in my ears.
he even asked me for them cause i didn't know how to say i got it from mango.
i honestly dun know what to make of his declaration that he'll pay his his daughter $200 to wear them.

went flea marketing today and i can think of more things i didn't like about it than things i did.
the stuff were OKAY though most of the things on sale were kinda repetitive and overpriced.
the walking chimneys were damn annoying though;
especially when you're stuck in the crowd and the air's not moving and you're inhaling all that stuff that'll make your lungs black.
HELLO its my face you're exhaling into.
but i like the place,
this's alot bigger than the first one i went to.

what elsy said about university admissions today are kinda scaring me into wanting to study.
gosh i really need to BEGIN.
the french, an annoying horde of messages, endless dates to make up and a wandering mind to hold down are seriously not making this easy, man.

i want sexy shoes.

2006-05-31T23:15:00.000+08:00

on my way home on the train,
i saw a woman picking at her nose so intently she prolly didn't see me staring at her.
worse thing was the train was so crammed i was 2 inches from her and NO - that did not stop her from ploughing her index finger deep into her poor nostril, in my face nevertheless.
HELLO YOU'RE IN PUBLIC, YO.
urgh. sometimes, can we just get a little more conscious?

today, some bright sparks flew.
i'm happy.

if i'd let impulse take over, i'll grab your hand and sit you down and make you cry me your story.

the cold wall

2006-05-30T22:29:00.000+08:00

i've been wanting to change my layout for awhile but just cant find the mood to do it.
can some sweet soul help me?

the holidays have officially begun yesterday (or 3 days ago if you start from saturday),
and i am getting so stale (already).
i'm such a slug i swear.
i've spent more time on the couch this past few days than i have on my feet.

i've just managed to shift tuition from 1030pm on thursday to1 in the afternoon :D
vincent's msg read: confirm thursday 1pm. goodnight.
(sometimes he's just so incoherrant but he's so cute i cant find it in me to laugh at him.)

anyway, last week marked the last week of term and boy was that one heckuva term.
it wasn't my best but hey, i dun have much to complain about either.
to be honest, i wasn't the happiest this term though i didn't get depressed quite so often.
to be (brutally) honest, tennis wasn't a highlight like it used to be, or rather, as i hoped it would be.
and as for friends, some became more indispensible to me than ever before.

i think i've met some really awesome people but sometimes, great people tire me.
it gets tiring keeping up with the whole get-high syndrome and sometimes, i just want more time with the important ones.
this entire term (or at least for the most part of it), i've had so little alone time with jien.
i dun think we've talked 200mins the entire term.
it got quite bad after season cause i got so free and she still had hockey and you know how we only talk stuff to some people -
i think it was one of the reasons i cried during that assembly.
for all the reasons like wanting the best for each other,
i dun want jien to go to the states, so soon or otherwise.
and i duno why i'm being such a wreck already but i just hate knowing i'm losing them one by one.
first jason, and i know eventually, stef, and in my heart of hearts, jien too.
its so retarded getting my heart rollercoastered so early in the holidays cause i know it can only get worse.

talking to xuan and janice last friday got me feeling like i haven't been in a long time.
zhixuan's experiences made me question the absolutions i held on to and blurred my convictions about what love meant.
i'm eighteen and a third and love to me still has a half-filled definition.
i think we overuse and dun think about it enough and that acting like you know love gets disgusting sometimes.
i'm not even sure i can so freely say 'i love you' anymore cause i'm afraid i might trivialise it.

i'm not about to air my sister's relationship problems but i'm just sad derrick wasn't the guy she was looking for.
but i'm happy, cause i saw that she didn't want him as much as a relationship.
i actually think i understand that more than they imagine.

its june in a day and i'm not ready to hit the books yet.
but me and daph made a pact so somehow, i'll just have to regroup and refind myself, and pretend its the o levels (only x3 this time) again.

it's a long way down to the place where we started

2006-05-21T17:57:00.000+08:00

she's so big hearted i'm not sure she's female.
but then again, we always do (stupid?) things like that all the time:
giving up the things we love,
defying every fibre to insist we are happy -
i cant take comfort in being silly.

I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around disappears
Just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek

i cant believe watching is enough.

break the seal

2006-05-20T23:47:00.000+08:00

i know i'm long overdue,
but i wanna give special mention to my thursday (the last one).
it was such an 'another time another place' kind of day cause i actually wanna remember it.

sheryl cried,
and so did julie,
and olive,
and me.

there can be a thousand (other) reasons besides what we divulged.
and i felt a million shades of bitter/frustration/fear.
but thank God for early morning love.

3 minutes ago,
i read jien's (not so new) blog entry on how she felt like she had been writing for people and not herself and i think, i feel exactly the same.
i don't want to be on guard bout what i wanna say cause - why should i?
so i think i need to change my password pronto since so many know it already and that'll make my unpublished posts as good as published. -_-

anyway back to thursday,
tennis boys beat the vjc team to clinch third overall.
so proud. :D

and here we are,
talking about what she had done.
but for all the bluster in the world,
stripped away and i am no different.
and disgustingly infatuated i remember a promise that didn't even sound like one.
no, i don't need it.
the promise (or whatever it was),
was (good) enough.

today, i went up for alter call.
pastor janice (i think) prayed for me and she told me to hold on, don't let go.
she kept emphasazing that i needed to hold on, and hold on tight.
and then while she prayed for me,
she said that she could see an airport, and a runway.
and that i'm on the runway, and that she sees me trying very hard to gain momentum.
it's something i cannot do alone so she prayed for God to help me.
and then she said she could see i was meant for great things and that i would soar once i gained the momentum i was looking for.
i felt really geared, itching to find what it is that would help me prosper as Jesus had promised.
so i'm gonna pray really hard, and hope i do fulfill the 'great things' God has planned for me, for Him.

and i won't forget:
happy 5th year as my kor, elsie.
i mark it out every year so i'll never forget.
you're precious, genuine and rare though i always tell you otherwise, lol.
love you, superhero. :D

2006-05-17T22:18:00.000+08:00

i cant believe i contemplated skipping rugby finals today:
it was worth every minute of the sleep i missed cause the boys were WOOHOO! good.
yuexing and i went mad together (as usual) and halfway through yelling my lungs out my head was throbbing so bad i was seeing light for abit.
but honestly, rugby is such an (ironically) moving sport.
(okay i admit i was crying when we won)
the whole lot of saints assembled there showed so much school spirit i felt whoah.
like how i was brimming with pride watching us gathered singing (or rather, shouting) the school song and it suddenly felt like cedar's track and field days again.

yesterday, the guys missed their chance to have a shot at the top spot.
i honestly thought we could have actually, but thats okay -
they don't need all that recognition to be ranked no. 1 on our favourite teams list.

now that i've calmed, and my heart's settled from all that excitement,
i'm actually feeling rather blah cause:
1. the girls never did play at kallang. (okay no biggie but it is The place you see real good players our age.)
2. i think it would have been exhilerating to hear "SAJC tennis girls beat _JC tennis girls 3-2 in the finals to win the national championships!" followed by raucious cheering. its something that'll never happen in my time actually, but i have a right to wish right. ;)

its been a looong day.
and the guys are playing for 3rd/4th placings tommorow!
i'm off to bed to ensure lung power.
:D

would you like some candy?

2006-05-14T17:18:00.000+08:00

Don't tell me i haven't been good to you,
Don't tell me i have never been there for you,
Don't tell me why nothing is good enough.

i'm not even feeling all that crapped up yet,
but just in case it'll come:
IT WILL GO AWAY.
so Fear/Whoever-you-are, please stop lurking and go away.
i don't need dandy reminders.
and i dun even think i'm fit to feel like that.
i'm irked by myself,
and want my fingers to shut up in the typing world.
and really, i'm the one giving my ownself shit.
so i'm just annoyed, over-reacting, lucid.
right?

then how come i cant stop thinking about how to stop thinking (about you).

it's over and done but the heartache lives on inside

2006-05-11T19:53:00.000+08:00

i cant capture "loss".
it's such an immaculate feeling.

season's over. (so much for ending my so-called tennis career with a big bang.)
i still have a million different emotions coursing through me,
which explains my one-day delay in putting it all into words.
but i decided that it was stupid to let them all fade before doing a tell-all cause it's a (million) feeling(s) i wanna remember.

today, jo told me she got emo last night thinking through her tennis memories.
yesterday, i was a laughing machine/the joke(r) of all jokers/the raving maniac who found everything funny.
i don't know if i'm plain deluded or what cause there's this dull ache that won't go away though my "as long as the guys are in, we're still in" mantra keeps resounding.
i didn't allow myself one moment alone yesterday cause i was scared to be alone with that kind of me.
it's not that i didn't feel every ounce of the happiness my laughter suggested,
it's just that all that HOHA didn't cut it for me.
deep in, i felt sad, dull, empty.

the girls' team this year was real love.
i dun need to make whole lists of every individual but i want to mention a few -
i know i couldn't have asked for more.
jo - captain of the girlies, her in action meant one game in our favour.
stef - my sweetheart bestie whom i love. i love all of her, silliness included.
noose - my to-be partner who was never meant to be, losing each other did not change anything.
christine - the funny girl who was always happiest for me when i'm over that time of the month, and who blew into my ear all the time.
louisa - the pretty girl who had to endure stephen jokes for the longest time and who made volleying look like the easiest thing on earth.
sharlene - the sweeter than candy darling who is actually very very unglam but in such a cute way.
yuexing - my (hot) ball who loves TEDDY and when we're together, there'll never be silence.

today, hockey girls and soccer boys got through to the semis.
i am honestly super happy for them (esp. hockey cause of jien and mr. soh).
there's just this naggy tinge though, thats nibbling the core of my heart (melodramatic as it sounds) cause i just wish the tennis girls were in it to share this joy with the rest of team sa.
i can hardly believe my tennis career (psuedo and short-lived as it is) is over.
you know, "over" just sounds so - dead.
like "finished";
or "the end";
or "dead".

this brought back a million memories of last year when we got ourselves into the semis.
i think it was truly God's grace our team made it that far cause skills-wise, we really weren't booming like this year.
but we were so happy and i 'll never ever forget it.
like how we celebrated with countless team dinners and so many late nights in school just discussing winning strategies and just playing our hearts out till we all just collapsed and succumbed to fatigue.
like how we didn't have to ask to know we were going rapture together.
like how we didn't squeak a compaint when we had to train 730 on sats at malan.
like how our balls could find their way around the courts when 22 people lined the 3 courts at a time, all the time.
like how i still think of them 365 days after our season ended.

my chapter in competitive tennis is over.
for the last time i promise (at least in this entry),
let me be dramatic:
i'm devastated we ended so mediocre.

now it's "done";
"finished";
"the end";
"dead".

my life is in danger.

2006-05-07T00:41:00.000+08:00

i cut my hair today.
admittedly, i'm sucha coward because it's still - long.
doris had (almost) violent objections against short hair which i had for most of my younger days so i settled for the long bob. lol.

i think i'm selfish when it comes to sharing people.
i really don't like sharing them.
the more special, the more possessive.
but that's not true come to think of it cause there are special people i like sharing.

i think i need to get excited.
it's too slow yet too fast;
too happy yet too frivolous.

okay, i'm just annoyed.

goodnight.

don't make me look like a fool - ian

2006-05-05T22:34:00.000+08:00

i've not been a very nice person today.
i somehow managed to land myself in various situations that had me:
1) staring down jc boys who cannot keep their hands to themselves.
2) screaming in lieu of denying.
3) screaming just so i'd get my way.
4) passing smart-alec remarks that make me seem like a hater (to rude strangers, btw.)

i wanna go for both fleas tomorrow please.
i've never been to timberlux before and the raffles one sounds like good stuff.
but i'll be in dire need of sleep after training at an unearthly 0730; working through sm prep with lynn at 1130; and a potential appointment at doris's in the afternoon.
and it's not as if i've got no work/studying to do at all.
besides, there's church at night and no - i'm not gonna sleep through the message.

and i'm still torn between cutting my hair short or not.
silly thing to be preoccupied with but chopping it all off is so sayang!
and i'm a girl, yo.
but then long and straight and thin (not that i can help it) is just damn boring already -
i don't like looking the spitting image of 800 other girls in school.

the guys' team was awesome today with a 5-0 win over tp.
i stupidly scaled the wall that would provide a potentially better view but had to get off after 5 mins and aggrevated my already nagging right foot by leaping right off.
now it's hurting like shit i just hope it'll be okay in the morning.

okay off to bed.
(if i can't be nice, at least i'm gonna try to be good.)

she's come undone

2006-05-02T21:52:00.000+08:00

today, i did what i've been meaning to do for some time -
i sat in a dark corner to cry.
i decided to go home to think about all thats been happening after lynn and i agreed that we were not meeting tonight.
(so much for reading econs and getting past page 79 of she's come undone.)
i felt like an Angie squashed between the kitchen cabinet and bin of soap powder (no, i do not want to kill anyone);
and i felt heartbreakingly ordinary.

it's disgusting being blinded from ridicule.
i don't want to be patronised for goodness sake just bloody stop it already.

good enough to eat.

2006-04-29T23:51:00.000+08:00

it's been too long since i've last posted and my connection just will not coorperate.
urgh.
anyway, its been far too long for me to list all i've been meaning to, so here goes:

1. yuexing got whacked by a ball in the eye and ended up hospitalised. (says the ball, lol)
(i miss having that girl around cause she makes tennis yummy.)
2. i lived through week 5 (was last week week 5 already?!) and actually liked it.
3. i ate prawn mee, hokkien mee, stingray, ice kachang and cheng teng after church with stef today and got so full i couldn't walk straight.
4. i played 3rd/1st singles for tennis nats this week and though positions do make me sound like one heckuva great player, it's too deceiving.
5. i bought yummy shorts that are bound to be criticised.
6. i didn't manage to finish reading the hours cause i'm (horribly) slow.
7. i met inyoung at zara and thought till a few hours back that her name was y-i-n y-a-n-g. HUR.
8. i've got 4 potential dates lined up for monday. why is it i feel as if i'll end up shopping alone.
9. i can't stop singing sugaray and the only line on repeat's: when it's over, that's the time i'll fall in love again. (gosh.)
10. my sister's coming home from the 1st to the 5th of june. :D
11. i can't stop thinking (missing?).
12. may 20th will be the day elsy's our AS for the 5th year and counting. :D (i can't believe i had it marked, lol.)
13. my legs are incredibly dry - could it be the shaving?
14. i cant decide whether to splurge on clothes, books, or a haircut.
15. my sister just offered to buy me a pair of shoes from victoria's secret on the condition i treat her to prata. LOL.

i realise that i actually like listening. i always thought i enjoyed talking more but no, i actually really like to listen.
sometimes i hurry to say something, or even end a conversation cause i'm afraid 3 seconds of silence will turn awkward.
then i'll replay every word i remember over and over again.
does this only happen with special people?

anyway, i need to resolve to stop yelling on court.
wednesday it was the very loud 'bitch' and on friday it was 'hello is anybody home!?'.
i don't seem to realise how incredulous my opponents (and teammates) are whenever i shout anything and everything and subject my aeropro to violent beatings.
most just find it really funny though i get disgusted with my temper sometimes.

i think i'm starting to like sharapova more and more. :D

minus ten points.

2006-04-16T22:46:00.000+08:00

last night, i wonder how i found my way home.
after leaving adam around 11, i felt super tired and could feel the flu and sorethroat coming on.
got home past midnight so i bathed in record time (noone even had to make me) and downed some pills and have been sleeping for long stretches since.
and, (and i'm sure noosey will beam at this) i downed i think 2 litres of water today.
thats like more than i usually drink in a week. lol.

during one of my more conscious moments today,
i recalled an encounter with my primary school teacher some time ago in serangoon gardens.
(i think there's this connection we have with our sub-conscious minds that make us recall stuff we don't actually try to and we don't know how important it is till we actually do)
anyway i havent seen her for 6 years and she actually remembers me.
she said, "Tina! One of my best students how will i ever forget!"
(and even though i'd prefer not being "one of" but rather, The "best" student she ever had,)
she made me feel so special, cause i knew i was - at least to her.
and happy as it made me, it reminded me good things don't keep happening and as much as i long for such a place again,
it's not going to happen.

there's this thing about talking that helps you know someone.
i cant say its all good though cause sometimes, knowing too much spoils the perfect picture, makes it unattainable, and helps you step on your own self-esteem.

for all the insecurities in the world, sometimes hitting too close to home can be more damaging than you imagined.

jitter-bugs.

2006-04-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

i know i am sore,
and that i'm frustrated,
and that i wanna flay my arms about and scream till they put me in a straight-jacket.

but because i have friends,
and i have family,
and i have love,
and i have God,
it all becomes a little more bearable.

got my pw grade yday and i was really upset about it.
i've repeated the whole episode so many times i cant bring myself to write about it anymore.
i cannot really believe my somewhat passive reaction to it though, cause i know if this was cedar;
HOHO - lets not even go there.

now this is why i love school:

stef also came over to my place to surprise me after tuition.
that sweetheart brought lots of chocs and shandy and flowers and a happy note to cheer me up.
WHAT LOVE!
what a bestie. :D

today, i went out with manda, maria and merdin.
we had sucha great time and i think its ironic how i don't miss them as much when i don't see them, as when i do.
not that i don't miss them madness when we're apart, its just that being together and stuffs that happen when we're together just makes me wish we were sec one all over again.
but they just make me feel so happy cause i know i can share my joy and pain with them, regardless.

and i'm really glad i've got elsy to talk to.
she's super yummy to complain to cause she's so supportive, la.
and every problem/worry always seems inconsequential when i'm done telling her all about it.
this kor is just, irreplaceable.

and jason's really sweet too.
he's being a real darling right now on msn and i kinda wish he's still in singapore after all this time. :\

anyway, good Good Friday i guess.
(though week four has, on the whole, left me very very disheartened.)

now weekends, be good.
and week five?
make me happy.

i lied when i said i didn't care.

2006-04-12T21:43:00.000+08:00

i have an insane urge to stay up the entire night.
maybe i can read the archie comic book i never got down to finishing;
maybe i can write for real cause i haven't been in goodness knows how long;
maybe i can call some sweet soul who'll talk me through the night;
maybe i can find some space in the wardrobe and think about my favourite morbid thoughts.

just not another gp compre or lit essay anymore.

and all this in spite of needing some 10-hour uninterrupted sleep desperately.
HUR.

and i'm fine.
F-I-N-E.
i'm not seeking to be the centre of pity thankyouverymuch.
and though i look as happy as every other posing/laughing joker,
my friends can take my joy,
my blog can take my frustration.
and its not that i'm in the business of pretending,
i just hate caring so much sometimes.

Performance, you can go kiss my ass.

class 95's all 90s weekend!

2006-04-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

i feel like i can cry any moment from a long overdue emotional overhaul.
it's been such a weepy week, man.
the people around me have felt sad/horrible/touched/misunderstood the past week and any would reduce us to tears.

lynn ern the sweet's birthday on wednesday was just so moving. so sweet, la! i mean, come on man - that boy (of lynn's) has actually won us all over to his camp on our first meeting! he made all of us (besides the birthday girlie :\) cry and want to decide what to wear to their wedding already. ;D

there was this whole lapse during the week that made me damn annoyed. but NEVERMIND, i've lamented all i've wanted and seriously, i have damn good friends around me, la. they've all been so supportive and loving. something i've learnt though: everytime you expect, you hurt/lose more.

anyway, some happy stuff to note:
- post-lifeconcert was hilarious with rueben, john and xuan. i think we'll never be welcomed back to that coffeeshop with uncles dressed in sexy-holey tops again, lol.
-kenneth's birthday surprise was great.
-i'm not broke (yet). kept within budget this week!
-it is ROBIN'S 18th BIRTHDAY!

i'm really glad we made kenneth's surprise happen, cause it was good to see (most of) the tennis gang together again.
we look so damn good together la. :D
think he was quite touched and as long as everyone's happy, everything's worth the while.

(btw the post is fragmented cause its written over two days)

anyway, i've been such an angry person this week.
i honestly need to stop getting so worked up, man.
my lame excuse is that i only get mad because i love (think ldjin) but no, i don't like being mad cause its seriously damn exhausting.
the whole episode with my mom really took the icing but we're both making amends in our own ways now so i guess its love after all.
and previously, i was so tempted to say i'm sick of everything tennis represents but i know i'll never mean it anyway so i better not say such hurting stuff i'll regret.
seeing everyone on friday reminded me of a time i went crazy over tennis.
and seeing everyone also reminded me that i'm still in love with it.
and its not that i don't like the jayones, i love them.
but its just that i miss last year's team so damn much.

anyway, moving on from making my own hair stand,
i just wanna tell estee that friday morning wasn't enough!
we still have alot to catch up on i've got a million things to tell you!
and weiyann, lets make a date! (:

and young adult service, is just so damn good.
i think i'm on my way to spiritual recovery, yo!

now week 4,
YOU BETTER BE GOOD.

i the april fool

2006-04-01T23:20:00.000+08:00

how do you know you like him?
well, he's sweet, and nice, and he's really damn attractive! and charming. yeah, charming.
how about the-one-you-cant-forget?
i don't know. no reason, it's just because.

i just realised i've been absent for 2 weeks.
so its been awhile and i'll just update whatever strikes me.
major stuff that happened include blocks that came and went, tennis highs and lows, some serious heart swinging, and time spent with various loves.
blocks were so-so. didn't do anywhere near expectations but i'll live.
went out with maria and merdin a week ago and we hung out at nydc (where karen now works!) till we got so full we couldn't enjoy cake/mudpie/ice-cream.
met merdin again on sunday for tea and we had a heart-to-heart.
we both decided (or maybe only dared to let ourselves think then) that our love didn't have to equate relationships; sometimes, we just never forget, thats all.
and boring, confusing, suspended as it sounds, it makes a world of difference to us.

for awhile now, i've been feeling rather blank.
i don't know/understand these mashed up emotions inside.
its like, i dun even get my laughter anymore sometimes.
i know i shouldn't but i cant help myself and that makes me increasingly disgusted with yours truly.
there are these million inadequacies i feel and i hate being insecure.
and though so many out there can say they understand how i feel, i'm not sure i do.
and i'm not so sure i want to know anyway cause everytime i finally get it and learn to cope, new feelings find their way in and i'm so tired of teaching myself how to deal and pretend already.

regarding tennis, i feel frigging fed up.
i was happy with myself yday but still, it doesn't stop me from feeling $&*($#* fed-up.
can't/won't say why here but that doesn't stop me from wanting to shout SCREW STUPID DOUBLE STANDARDS.
and you don't have to understand cause who really does, man?
if it really was so easy to fathom, noone would need the benefit of doubt to be stupid.

and i duno why i do things that i know would just make me feel worse.
its just an insane desire to be missed and that just makes me feel like a big time loser.

now congratulate me,
i've just invited more speculation and more heartache.

lift my voice towards the heavens.

2006-03-19T01:12:00.000+08:00

today in church, i learnt.
enjoying the promises of God:
#1. bury the past.
this is so hard sometimes, especially when i'm in turmoil with none other than (tada) myself. but God promises blessings to come that far exceed what we've experienced before if only we learn to let go. so i've decided along the way, that i should
#2. stop complaining.
like seriously. this little bits of truth just hit me though i think i had them hidden in my heart all along: i don't have to/shouldn't have to complain cause i can simply trust. i can trust in the destiny He has planned for me so why rebel if i can be happy with peace? i've also recognised attitude can wholly impact in a fresh way - it's easy to be good but only attitude can make you great. i have to stop focusing on the negative and just give thanks and count my blessings and
#3. obey the Lord completely.
sometimes, i feel so bogged by my entire head cause it thinks too much. but rest on God, my strength in times of everything and He will surely make my paths straight. love Him,
#4. honour him.
that's my most loving father for you. (:

i'm so tired from (thinking) everything (you).
yet i trust i will/can be restored.
faith darling, faith.

running on rewind.

2006-03-17T00:07:00.000+08:00

today i went jogging and that made me happy;
but the walk home was ruined by a sad love (or should i say love-less) song that made me run home to the bathroom to cry.

anyway, i promised lynn 1) less angst 2) happy entry (ies)
and i must give keller, her lovely dog some mention (:
he ran out of her house today because of some construction ding-dongs going on and i wonder if i'd be as brave as that girl (stranger) who stopped to pet him so he wouldn't run further. (note: scared of dogs - ALL KINDS.)
and then lynn went to talk to keller and pet/smack him for being naughty.hahaha.
i think she ought to introduce Hippo to Keller, her two friends she talk to who cant really respond. (not verbally, at least/i hope)

me and my mom had the most hilarious conversation today.
(met niq and stef for lunch and niq told us about how his friend's an air stewardess now and this led to what me and my mom had to say.)
she's the sweetest by the way, buying me easter eggs (already) to see if they're any good, and so many bars of chocolate to "see if you like" from m&s, just cause. :D
and because my mom has this crazy idea put into her head by i-duno-who that i'm going to fall sick, she bought these huge pears (apparantly good for the throat), and oranges (the best fruit according to vincent), and today, yakult and juice so i can stay healthy.
what love! :D
okay, digressed.
so back to my conversation with mommy dearest,
i told her that if all else failed and i, by some way or another, failed my As (choy!choy!choy!),
then i'll become an air stewardess.
brilliant eh!
except i've largely discounted the prospect of actually having to 1) lose (alot) of weight; 2) maintain my balance during turbulance (i think too much); and 3) be effectively bilingual.
anyway, my mom got so excited she said, "i never thought one of my girls would become a singapore girl!"
and then she went on introducing the best places to work at, citing cathay pacific's duno-what company in hong kong which is apparantly super political but pays damn well!
hahaha, to think mama herself's more excited than me,
what with this entire project only coming to fruition if i do, in fact, FAIL MY A's (touch wood please!)
i realised there's this like, trend in my conversations with my mom:
everytime some major tests/exams draw near,
we have this big conversations on what i would do if i didn't make it -
last year's horrific promos-period was filled with "okay, go poly if you want to but better register before march 06!" (and here is march 06 saying goodbye already) and "don't worry, there's always something you can do."
- which makes me feel like a total idiot/loser for being rude/grounchy at home/to my mom sometimes.

i'm happy but sane (insanely happy's the best state to be in, i tell you)
and this makes me feel like snuggling close to a you, trying to find a comfortable me.

you can be my supernatural delight

2006-03-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

as promised, this week's perennial past time shall be blogging.
i just cannot bloody get stuff outta my head.
like how i know with every sickening fibre of my being (exaggerating as it sounds) since years before that i can/should never expect anything out of this sickening ***********.
yet knowing and doing can never be neighbours you know.
like how tom will never get along with jerry - that kind of thing.
so yes, my point is that, so what if i know all the shit about smile-and-pretend?
it hurts damn badly when the affection's on display and i hate myself for being so damn sensitive sometimes.
and you can tell me a million 'then-don'ts' but it won't help cause if you can help feeling, you're just thinking - not using the heart.
and ironic as it sounds, i'd like to think i'm actually using my heart unlike my usual stupid rational self.

and sorry jien, no you = morbid me.
i can't help going online. :\

: tell me Princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?

Friend,can we now do what we couldn't as forbidden lovers?

2006-03-12T00:54:00.000+08:00

its been almost two weeks since i've blogged though it doesn't feel anywhere that long.
the march holidays have officially began and (i wish i could say) screw block tests.
i think i might possibly blog more this week than the entire year since i'll be home most of the time trying to feed information into my malnourished brain.
gosh, SAVE ME.
havent touched (literally) a shred of work since thursday and yes, i'm still hoping to pass block tests.
yknow, chances of me living through this year without any crazy breakdown(s) is going to be quite impossible the way i see it (refers to jaythree results' day)
and i hope it stays away for the next few weeks at least.
- i'm actually hoping to have a happy term ii.
and thats cause tourney's coming up (after the bts that is) and i want to play.
of course, not that i'm stuck at the stage where i get green-eyed/wrecked/greatly pained anymore when i'm outta selection,
but it'll be nice to play.
though by the looks of it its gonna be tough and i like the juniors so - happy is me whatever happens.

anyway, partied yday and today and i'm so tired.
i'd say more but the body is weak though the spirit is willing.
so later/next time.

you cant hide beautiful.

2006-02-26T17:09:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think:
whats the use of loving if it never gets you anywhere/anything/any-whatever.
but i've come to realise that loving has taken me to places beyong the anywhere -
like the Happy Factory i go to everyday.
so Happy Factory,
you may not be Smartest, or Renowned,
but you make me sing/laugh/dance(or at least try to).
so - i love you enough.

you had me at hello.

2006-02-24T01:31:00.000+08:00

there're a million inexplicable frustrations lined with so many uncertainties and expectations.
i think i'll never know what i'm gonna be.

anyway, olive is a ballerina!
what love!
i've always wanted to learn in spite of my_______ (fill in the blank yourself).
so yes, isn't dat amazing!
i think every one-thirder has some awesome talent so i need to find mine pronto.

today's pe was hilarious:
1. we were playing FLOORBALL.
2. jiaying kept shouting "teacher! teacher! here teacher!" which was so funny i kept getting spasms of laughter.
3. alex was pro as usual but he kept leaving his stick behind so yes, funny too.
4. then we somehow named ourselves The Men and so jiaying who kept scoring was full-fledged while i became "not a boy, not yet a man". LOL
5. crazy huddling and feeling multiple whackings from the sticks (as you whack the others too) while trying to fish for the ball until someone like JIEN (who is amazingly strong considering she's only 4 sacks of rice :D) comes along and falls you. hahaha.

i like pe. (:

today, olive bella and i got popular-ed. :D
the lady unknowingly shouted "ONE-THIRD!" (though she meant WANTED) at the rest but thats okay,
cause we're popular. LOL.
i like being a goose when we're together cause its just so much fun in our farm.

okay, goodnight trouble i'm going to bed.

it's as though the whole world's gonna end!

2006-02-19T01:29:00.000+08:00

my eyes will ache if that's what they can do -
STUPID BAUSCH & LOMB.
really la, my non-stop tearing was not incidental after all.
yday was maria's bday (HAPPY 18TH, LOVE) and we went to surprise her!
shan't say how here cause its sucha good plan i might consider using it again :D
we had yummy cheesecake from cedele before heading to gardens for food/drinks.
then after a looong chat we left gardens, and ended up walking home. :D
me and din walked with maria to her place then decided she'll walk to mine before taking the bus.
she ended up taking the wrong direction (which is my fault, SORRY!) and (in her words) 'refused to get down at the last stop until the driver told me [her].' HAHA.
so she cabbed home in the end, after all. lol
but i'm so glad we got to talk so much,
and its ironically fun(ner) with the cockroach/rat interruptions.

2006-02-12T23:22:00.000+08:00

the whole feeling of loving becomes over-rated because of the hope that expectation should exceed want, its really just what i'm always thinking about, anyway.
its like how chopin's romancha just makes me want to stare starry into another korean soap's hunk's eyes and cry my eyes out.
and right now i've lost my train of thought -
wonderful.

it's tiring waiting for the end to come when it's only the beginning.
it's stupid even, waiting, cause like c'mon IT IS A LONG WAIT LA.
and the day it ends, the day its over.
and when everything's a done deal, i want to start my old chapter all over again.

anyway, my throat is dying again cause i indulged in chocolate fondue.
KILL ME PLEASE.
i really need to learn how to take care.
but on a happy note:
ZHIXUAN GOT SAVED TODAY. :D
(our saintly brother-in-christ i'm so happy :D)

but i got really pissed today cause of the whole go-grandma's-place-for-dinner thing.
seriously pissed off my gosh i actually railed along that little india road with stef trying to flag a cab for me and it got to a point tina broke her rule of no vulgarities cause she shouted F*CK.
but i'm sorry i did now cause i hate using it gosh.
next time, i'll count to 10.

cupid's day's 2 days away.
and happy as (i thought) i'd be,
it's not making me any less grumpy right now.

damaged - forever (cheeseball)

2006-02-07T18:29:00.000+08:00

after 11 + 3 hours of sleep,
i do feel better.
sans the sleep, being sick sucks.
and i miss school.
i miss one-third, and i was actually quite excited about mr marner cause me and lynn actually did the tutorial last night.
and i'm itching to do some work already, cause it really is TOO BORING la.
really asked for it this time - knew i was coming down with something but still refused to see the doctor :dr. lim says i have to whisper if i want my voice back faster.
THAT'S DAMN SAD cause i don't like to whisper.

"we have such surprising friends!" -din-

2006-01-31T20:22:00.000+08:00

i think, i had the best birthday.
it felt like a birthweek though, cause i had the most wonderful week of celebrations.

on sunday night, i was complaining like a goose to my mom and sisters bout how boring/sian/hgeh/unhappening it is to be spending the last two hours of my 17th at home watching csi. -____-
my mom just said," baobei you expect a surprise from your mother huh?"
and i just gave her a Look.lol.
then came 11 something and cheryl dragged me to the prata place cause she was "craving for teh tarik!"
then elin joined us and we drank/ate/talked till 1155 and so headed home.
i was kinda huh-ed cause like, i thought i'd be counting down to jan 30th in a prata shop and that's like already :\ enough but then we were all already kinda high so yes, nevermind.
i stepped in at 1159 and was so totally blur please i didn't even see the huge book and lightsticks on the floor until cheryl was like "hey look!" (-__- lol)
turned out darling sweethearts stef and noosey came over (bah gah-ed with my mom and sisters since like how long ago) to surprise me!
it was a really good one cause i honestly honestly did not see it coming AT ALL.
super duper sweet i love the storybook!
- the adventures of tina - :D
it was so amazing and pretty and just so wonderful cause the loves spent hours/days/weeks preparing it just for, ME.
aiyo, i almost cried please but of course, there was the (AHEM) glam factor to consider since my sister was snapping pictures non-stop. :D
me and noose made the concoction my sister and her friends made for us the night before at reunion dinner for stef and us and kam-pai-ed!
super happy time cause we took the cutest photos with the lightsticks, us and specs. lol.
the day itself was pretty lovely too my relatives toasted me with champaign and many many well wishes. (:
(though let me proclaim: the whole double angpow since its your bday theory is quite bull-ish.lol.)

i went to meet maria, din and yann at night and there was this really sweet attempt to surprise me with a cake at swensons.haha.
what love!
i'm so happy just to see them, even weiyann who's in sa too cause really, same school doesn't mean a thing la.
you'd think we get to talk as and when but i don't remember a decent conversation in months please.
we got to catch up abit together though that hour or two is definitely not enough!
i love the charm necklace din MADE (sweetie) and our photo the day of the flying skirt incident (LOL) and maria's many-kg-ed bottle of m&ms!she separated them according to colours and they were so pretty la.
just that blue was on top and so rendered me and din with, blue teeth/lips. hahaha.
after maria and yann left around 11 i think, me and din headed to the balcony.
(i'm too lazy to type about the hilarious take with the pick-up man.ask me next time!)
our drinks took an eternity to arrive please but we got nice windy seats and i had a really really great time chatting with din.
oh and i got checked! i cant believe secutrity thought i was some loser 16/17 year old trying to enter cause "it's so thrilling not to get caught!" sheesh.
uh-huh.
anyway, we had an awesome time and i'm so glad that was how my jan 30th ended and merdin's 31st began. :D
the love and i left after one i think and we ended up walking for some time wondering how come the people in town didn't need their sleep cause we were both, kinda woozy already.lol.
cabbed home and the last i remember before i konked, it was 3am.

:D
i guess, it's enough after all.
and after all that wanting and whining and yearning and blaming,
and all that crying and pretending and hurting;
i'm happier than i imagined,
and better off than i thought.
so to all that made me sucha happy 18 year old,
THANKYOU.
i'm happy enough to be forgiving even.
so let go, and let live.

- it's all, good.

2006-01-28T16:33:00.000+08:00

"i'll never break your heart,
i'll never make you cry,
i'd rather die than live without you,
honey lalalalalalalalalala." :D

i loved my yday. (:
i loved my whole week actually.
wed was cross country - my last one, sadly, though i never thought i'd feel that way.
had fun running with noosey and posing for the camera in sync, hahaha.
one third had billy bombers after and watched geisha.
billy bomb-ing with them is such an experience, haha.
we acted like we owned the place and sang along to the music like they were playing our cd.
i cant wait for julie's retro party, man. (or poofy party, as jien likes it. lol)
memoirs of a geisha's kinda draggy but i like.
hatsumomo's so chio la! haha, i love gong li.
we were quite noisy though, but really, put three noisy girls together (namely jien belle and tina) and viola! -
animation. (:

yday, official school lasted till THREE THIRTY.
after the celebrations ended, i went to hit some with the juniors, the jaytwos and some seniors.
i had a birthday song right up there in the courts and i think they were just, too sweet la.
haha, i loved the cake it was so yummy!
and i just stood there smiling at first cause i honestly didn't see the cake at first.
the "lighted" candles were imagined but my wishes were all for real. (:
THANKYOO.
it was great seeing elsy, niq and xq though some ex saints that popped by i duno why make me wish damn hard seng won't be anywhere close when he's out of army.

night time was the party for me at jien's. :D
they made me believe we were gonna watch VCDS and i felt horrible for skipping church to watch vcds, right. hahaha.
but it was sucha sweet thing they did i love those darlings to the stars and back.
i came in and they popped those party thingys and gave me a hat and started grooving to BSB just for, ME. :D
WHAT LOVE!
(its all captured on video so go to lynn's blog for the photos and video links.)
then we had a very romantic lamp-lit dinner in the garden and i felt like a princess please. lol.
we kam-pai-ed! and made toasts and ate like mad man.
my watermelon cake was the cutest thing ever and it was honestly yummy!
so after digging my face in as instructed, lol, i ended up eating like ALOT of it.
gosh, i almost exploded.
we took a million photos too and tried our best to replicate the renu jump but ended up in a bundle on the ground most of the time, hahah.
i was bestowed the HUGEST balloon bouquet and pretty flowers too.
18, 18.
i cannot believe i'll be 18 in 2 days.
we had the greatest time running to the middle of the huge 520m field and spinning and then taking photos with the balloons and then grooving to the likes of s-club and bardot and aqua etc.
but what made me so happy was the company. (cliche as it sounds, cliche-er the way i say its cliche.)
and how we all may come from really different backgrounds/schools/whatever,
we're unstoppable together.
we sing and dance knowing its okay to be embarrassing;
we laugh and roll knowing we've got (each others) company;
we even tease and poke fun at one another knowing its okay cause we love each other above it all.
i love (is there a better word than love?) one third so much, i think i might cry.

i'm really grateful to the whole clique, and thank you jien so much for the house. it was as good as you promised. :D
i just a little sad cause it's the 18th.
and everyone knows you'll never get another smashing birthday the (girls) school way again.

i duno why i'm so happy its not even my real birthday yet. LOL.
but maybe this'll explain it all:

(jien when i said i did expect vcds)
"Tina, we would never do that to you."
:D
:D
:D

2006-01-21T09:33:00.000+08:00

in a span of a week (or so),
i've cried very hard,
i've laughed really hard,
i've played really hard,
and studied (or rather did homework) quite hard.

it's estee darling's birthday tmrw.
and just in case i don't come online again:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY :D
estee de-lonelied my first 3 mths in sa and she always always listened and encouraged.
it all sounds kinda lacklustre-ish and dull,
but really, without her things would have been quite horrible.

i was just thinking and the whole thing about feeling mediocre and inadequate blah blah,
i think, just maybe, i'm just too caught up with the million 'i-have-to s' that i believe is what i need to be happy,
to realise that i actually, am.

i mean, who gets great friends like me, huh?
i have the whole one-third to clown around with, prey on jayones with, throw dirty jaytwo looks with, laugh/shout/sing/attempt to sing with - we get so high, so lame together its unbelievable.
and then there's lynn, who lets me embarrass her (only she pretends she doesn't know me half the time), gives me super sound advice and we practically sleep (on buses/trains/class) in sync.
and of course jien, who makes me laugh, and gives me hugs, and holds my hand. i want to marry her la.

then i have the tennissers, who just make me wanna stay in jaycee forever.
the people are great, even (most of) the juniors are potential good friends.
but of course i have special mention for stef and noose,
the former being the hyper bestie who always seems to share the same moody days as me, and my special days are always shared with her, like christmas, like new year. thats how special she is to me though i never seem to show that she is.
noosey's my partner in practically everything. we shop/cry/distress/sing/dance/laugh at the same things and of course, we're inseparable on court.

then there's my mom and my dad, and my sisters, who love me alot.
my eldest sister walked for hours in hk last sat just to find a pair of shoes i wanted.
cheryl got me the gold stuff (i cant say yet) i wanted for my 18th just cause she knew.
and my mom just gives me everything she can cause i'm her 'baobei'.

i've given up on all the crushes i've had who broke my puny heart unknowingly cause guess what,
i don't need shit this year.
and if having a manic desire to do homework makes me a crazy mugger toad, then by all means,
label me.
i thought i had a thing going for losing weight/looking hot.
but whatever, i've looked like this all my life and that hasn't stopped me from being loved.
it's been too long, too harsh, being hard on myself.
i've searched too long, too hard to be happy i don't realise i don't have to.
i know God is for me, and that really simplifies my A-Z worries.

i thought i'd give a tribute on my birthday.
but heck timing, heck special day.
i'm gonna be 18 in 9days and i'll have maria and merdin with me.
and i'm gonna meet elsy in like, two hours, and yeah she's special too.

so it's enough.
i've got enough homework to busy me,
i've got enough friends/family to love me.
that plus God. -
my weekends are complete.

2006-01-12T20:48:00.000+08:00

i've got this love/hate relationship going on with the rain, okay.
its such a drag, especially on training days;
but its just too darn good to sleep in.

anyway, school ended at 1045 for some of us today and it felt so good to just sit aound in the caf DOING WORK (or trying to).
wasn't that productive but its a start la.

anyway, as i was saying - the RAIN.
training in it's fun until your grip gets so wet it gets flung out of your hands everytime you try to swing.
then i'll feel so sayang cause nadal just keeps getting more scratches.
WHICH REMINDS ME: nadal (the real one) withdrew from aussie open already.
i am damn sad la.
men's tennis (besides feddie) has lost all meaning now ):

yday after training, we played some beam game and i just had to fall before the game even started. -__-
now both my shins are orhchehs-ridden cause one has a huge orh bah kak (from the fall) and the other just has multiple bruises from serving into it.
i thought i fell cause i just, did; but zhixuan said he made me lose my balance.
lol, and i didn't even remember.

pe today was quite fun,
and i'm so happy cause i'm not longer taf-ed. :D
all thanks to jien's one less hello panda, more fruit, and "drink water!"
lol.
anyway, its been (more than) 10 hrs since peeyee and i still don't feel like bathing.
it's so cold!
lynn's aghast though she just messaged me to 'PLEASE BATHE!' hahaha.

okay, i better go (bathe ): ) cause vincent's coming soon.
TGIF tmrw!

2006-01-10T22:34:00.000+08:00

i left my phone in a taxi on monday morning and was on the phone with the uncle 15minutes after i did.
but its more than 40 hours later and i still don't have it back, la.
its not like i can't live with the liberation but its FORTY HOURS!

hari raya holiday today and i woke at 430 to bathe.
i duno why but i was itching (like mad) la.
then i went back to sleep and had a frantic morning trying to look for everyone's numbers.
noose and steffie came over and after lunch, we ravaged magazines and then watched stairway to heaven. :D
I LOVE CEH SONG JOON!
lol i got them addicted too they wanna come over for an episode after school/before trng tmrw.
haha.
and just like that, (four hours of stairway later),
hari raya came and went.

anyway, while checking out her world just now,
i found some recommendations of budding/young hair stylists that look pretty okay.
there's this guy who does fuss-free spikey-dos and shoulder hair really well and only charges 60.
think thats kinda decent if these people are as good as the claims are, right.
i feel like trying it out just that doris always beckons everytime i think of getting a cut. : \
WHAT TO DO.
i better get it asap cause if i go back to doris and have to pay extra for cny, i duno whether to laugh or cry.

okay now i'm going to go think of merdin's 18th present (again). (:

it's not okay.

2006-01-08T23:12:00.000+08:00

after a five day hiatus, i'm back with a vengence. lol.
my first week of school was mediocre, just like how i'm feeling about my life now.
i've been talking to jien for about 6 hours in the last 24, which makes it a quarter of my day.
we laughed three quarters of it away, the remaining was spent on serious business. (REALLY LA)
the exchanges of embarrassing stories shall remain secret, but some things, i feel indignant for her.
i think, i am glad to be alot more mature from when i was fourteen, both for my sake, and someone else's.
under similar circunstances i did so many irrational scary things in my quest for revenge (which sounds like a really stupid word now) that now, i don't even think about.
good for me, good for her.

it didn't take me a whole year to realise what a wastrel i'm turning into.
what was meant to be a good break, i found out was too much time to think, too much time to bother, too much time to care.
in case i sound like some loser who thinks she's too good,
let me say, 'perfectionist' isn't good.
perfectionists are anal.
but perfectionist i have been told, i am;
and anal as we all are, i not-so-secretly thrive on being one.
do you know what it's like to be in control?
do you know what it's like to sleep 2 hrs every night but wake up happy cause you know you've not wasted any time?
do you know what it's like to walk down an empty corridor and feel like an important person?
do you know what it feels like to make it good and have it all going for you?
i know.
but now i've lost it, and i'm going down.

i ended my year thinking: 2 's' papers, gp differentiated, 4 As.
now i'm started a new one with: 0 's' papers, (maybe/maybe not) gp differentiated, 3 As.
and in spite of loving the people i got to know here,
there are too many regrets.

i don't want to have time to watch vcds all day long.
i don't want to have time to think about what should i wear on saturday.
i don't want to have time to chat all day long cause i don't friggin shit want to be a loafer.
it's all good but, all the time?
and now i feel like a total idiot cause i know there are things i can do.
but i don't, i don't seek anymore.
and that just makes me feel like crying.

i threw my life into people, and i got nothing out of it.
- sans the few heartbangs i still hear.
i wanted so much more out of everything,
but i gave things up, or i never dared to face them.

its not okay, even if we sometimes say it is.
when i try, and i fail, i get depressed.
- i can't put a word to how i feel now though
cause i didn't even try, so i definitely failed.

it's seven days into oh six and i need to get my act together.
when i do, you'll know.

malan-sick.

2006-01-03T22:45:00.000+08:00

today, we went back to school.
we are officially sajc @ WOODSVILLE.
go figure.
i prefer malan road though. ):
this place is (almost) spankingly done up and new, with fresh paint and what not.
but new and pretty's just, not all i'm hankering after.
there's no, warmth, or familiarity, or the people i'm used to/want to see.
i'm excited, and i'm hyped about our brand new gorgeous courts.
but whats the use of marking them but it all just feels, kinda cold.
its stupid, but - i like courts with holes in their fencing more.

anyway, got our homerooms and i kinda like them.
everything looks pretty good, even the toilets - just that they're so wet we don't know why.
and today we took ht/wt and i am ONE KG overweight.
): ): ):
save me please.
this is so going down pronto onto my 2006 resolution list.

jien said today, "how can we save the world (other people), when we cant even save ourselves?"

its just that the more special you become,
the more careful i am.

2006-01-02T01:27:00.000+08:00

it's horrible cause money no enough's "qian x4 bu gou yong" s ringing in my ears since 24 hours ago, lol.
i've got a million things to say today but i'm not sure i'll end up doing so in the end.
just, let me begin.

firstly, lemme say HAPPY 17th JULIE!
she's sucha dear, that ma tong mei mei of mine.
i foresee a fantastic year ahead with the one thirders.
fish & co. was good i must say, though not so much the food, but the company and the music, and the whooping, and the shouts of laughter. :D
sometimes i wonder if i've got ancestors up in some babaric tribes cause i laugh too loud, gesture too much, sit any way i want to and talk like its okay to be rude.
but whatever the case, its the new year already so maybe its time for change
(though i'm not sure i ever liked change much)
ANYWAY, i hope the darling had a good birthday cause she's sucha sweetheart and sweethearts deserve great birthdays.
before that was time with cheryl, jols, manda and net.
and once again,
HAPPY 17th CHERRIES!
i hope she liked her bright pink roses they're so beauty and the beast!
(just for the record, this all happened on the 30th)
had ding tai fung for cherries bday lunch, and i love the easy banter.
manda has the wierdest tastes though, we all just kept laughing at the silly the whole time.
ate/talked/shopped/laughed - really, you'd never guess we were doing exactly the same things one year ago.
left the darlings in the evening for julie's bday dinner and i was supposed to stall julie at SPOTLIGHT for time. LOL.
i'm usually really bad at such things but hoho, we ended up shopping overtime at nike cause meimei wanted to get her pretty green bag.
after glass housing, we trouped over to ps and walked abit before our mini photo spree :D
and though this doesn't fit in somehow, i must say this before i forget: jien's my ken and i'm her barbie (:

the difference between shooting stars and satellites says:
omg there's this sweet song playing on the radio now
the difference between shooting stars and satellites says:
damn cheesy though.
the difference between shooting stars and satellites says:
okay i shall dedicate it to you
the difference between shooting stars and satellites says:
' i want to change the world, only for you.'
the difference between shooting stars and satellites says:
AWW (:
mrs. rafael nadal. she's your best bet. says:
AWWWWW!! dats so sweet KEN!
the difference between shooting stars and satellites says:
hahaha! only for you, BARBIE.
the difference between shooting stars and satellites says:
omg!
the difference between shooting stars and satellites says:
sounds so wrong!

:D :D :D

after i left one third, it was time with the tennissers. :D too.
sat around at cartel for the longest time and we clowned around like sillies.
got to gossip a little with elsie and forced jason's secret long-time crush outta him. LOL.
happy so see so many of us just sitting around, having our private/group conversations, as though all that matters at that moment is all that happens then.
we relocated to esplanade later and the bobbing ball-like floats that reflected the pretty shifting spotlights were so pretty!
i liked the steps near the merlion more though.
it was really cooling and i got to have a good talk with jason for the first time since he got back.
it was a, serious/candid conversation and i'm so glad i got to.
i wished there was more i could do though, cause really, saying 'i understand' doesn't take the pain away, nor does it make me truly feel the same as him.
i was so ready, and so sure i was gonna do up a whole entry just about him and the things we did the few days i got to see him.
but now i think i'll just do a private chronical cause it doesn't feel that right to share anymore.
we actually headed to glutton square around 1 (i think) for supper but i was so tired i couldn't even be bothered to drink.
when i finally hauled myself into a cab, i just slept all the way till the nice uncle took me home.
washed-up, messaged, slept, and somehow -
it was the last day of the year already.

woke up to write a letter to jason before going to town for shopping with elsy. :D
for the first time, she was later than me. hahaha.
went to far east to shop for 'exciting' clothes. lol.
and i got a top (which i eventually changed into after we got caught in the rain) and a bag (:
somehow, i managed to dispose of my 300 dollars really quickly.
ah well, its the new year's resolution that's 'save money' so if i didn't do it on the 31st, when else could i?
it rained madness in the afternoon so we were stranded at paragon.
ended up talking at a corner and i duno why, we never run out of things to say. :D
she's so easy to talk to, and i know i can be totally honest and silly and she'll not judge me.
that's all we need in our friends sometimes, huh?
we met stef for dinner close to seven and i got to see my chiobu today too!
havent seen her since i cant remember when and she's as sweet as before.
anyway, dinner was so fun la we had a slurping competition and stef was the champion cause she spat her noodles out so damn loudly! lol.
then it was time for the airport, to send jason off.
its so inexplicable, really, how i felt no overwhelming need to cry, nor any dull sadness i prepared myself to feel.
it felt kinda bleak, kinda scary though.
i cant even place an adjective to my feelings, actually.
it was just a kind of dullness that settled, or maybe it was a kind of acceptance already;
that it can all be a good thing so why take it any other way?

most of us trouped over to the esplanade (or at least nearby) to catch some fireworks.
honestly, i think fireworks (though extremely beautiful) are much too sad a thing(s) to be used during celebrations.
i don't know what it possibly symbolises but right then when i experienced it, the first thought that came to mind was: beautiful things don't last and how is it that if all we ask for is that one moment of glory, even the falling sparks are out of reach.
after a miserable countdown (or the lack thereof) we went over to stef's for a potential pig-out session.
here's where money no enough comes in cause the song was the last thing i heard before yours truly konked out at stef's.
had an impromtu sleepover at the darling's place where i slept/heard toads/talked to winnie/dreamt/messaged/talk to my mom/walked/got devoured/got kicked, ignored, snored at all in one night.
and since it's like, my first hours of 2006, it gives me the feeling that the rest of the year will be super eventful. (yay)
we woke and frolicked in couch for two hours, moaning and taking photos. LOL.

without a conscious acknowledgement, it's goodbye to 2005 and hello oh six.
i intended to summarize my year in this entry but right now, i'm bushed.
so lets take a nap, aye.
goodnight.

2005-12-28T22:26:00.002+08:00

CHRISTMAS CAME! (and went ): )
somehow, i didn't feel all christmasy this year,
but i was happy - and dats what matters, right?
(tis the season to be jolly - check.)
i felt good this year, cause i gave.
i'm not usually this extravagant, what with the tedious making/shopping for presents and materials.
i used to be a cards-only girl.
but cause i gave, i spent, i made - i'm happy. (:
christmas eve i spent the entire morning/afternoon sobbing over my oom bah. LOL.
that in turn made me rush for my family party and so, i forgot my darn phone.
bad habit you know, i'm ALWAYS leaving it behind. -_-
dinner and games and gift exchanges were fun as usual though i got damn fannoyed by my aunty who kept being finniky and childish about the decor/me leaving early.
like, wth.
say your peace or hold thy breathe please - its christmas eve and sarcasm should take leave.
anyway, i left just after 10 cause i had to tong pang the presents at home and grab that phone.
rushed off to the airport after meeting stef and noosey and were JUST in time. :D
jason saw us like 10 seconds after he got out of the gates and we were screaming/jumping/singing/prancing like we lost our minds, aye.
the whole airport could have been throwing us dirty looks but really, who cares.
we were just so damn happy and excited to see jason!
we hogged him a little then he went off with his other friends.
noosey stef and i ate abit then cabbed back to mackenzie.
her popo's just the cutest la.
she gave me a pillow in the middle of the night so i could sleep better. (:

christmas day itself was hectic too.
went church (barely awake) and then towned with sheeni and stef.
shopped a little, ate a little, shopped some more, and then went home.
it was merdin/maria time christmas night. :D :D :D
merdin's hair's so pretty! and the sweethearts just always help me keep it real.
wanted to chill at liquid kitchen (sucha HAHA name) but din had to leave early so me and maria caught up at the busstop instead. (:
we were confiding and just talking about everything and nothing and somehow, it was one already.
got home, teevee-ed and then slept -
FOR THERE WAS MORE OOM BAH TO WATCH ON BOXING DAY!

so now i'm ALMOST done with stairway to heaven (gonna watch the remaining hour and half in just about 5 mins)
and now, i wanna marry him!
i even painted my nails at the face shop just so i could get a piece of kwan sang woo (or however you spell his name)

that reminds me of lunch and shopping with daphne yday.
also another :D :D day.
had marches (where we bumped into so many people, like michelle tang who's so cute la, lol) and really, you'd never guess we meet once a year from the kinda conversations we were having.
we made sucha din everywhere we went cause the talking was incessant and so was the laughing.
the darling's sucha dear i cant believe its been 11 years already and she's moving from a few streets away to many more busstops away soon and though we don't go home together anymore, its quite sad.
i think i'm gonna snail mail her.
aye i think i will cause old friends and old methods just help the memories.

symbolic move today!
embarrassed lynn like mad cause i pulled her to run along with me behind the runners.
HEH.
got to talk some with yann today and i feel for her aye.
then it was lunch at white tangerine with darling lynn (we wanted to broadway already/try the dao huay but we must ask Linda first, LOL)
and then MARY POPPINS!
i think i'd like the show alot better if i wasn't so sleepy.
it's lynn's living room i bet cause i always feel sleepy there! hahaha.
but the songs were addictive!
i cant remember the kite song anymore but 'a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down' keeps ringing in my ears. haha.
like the other day when we watch heffalump and beauty and the beast!
the songs were just so wow.
now we have a whole long list to watch!

i havent written much bout jason yet cause there's just so much to write and oom bah's waiting for me.
but i'll have a loong one all about him soon.
and that'll be one bittersweet entry i'm not sure i'm looking forward to.

2005-12-24T01:35:00.000+08:00

it's christmas eve's eve :D
i've given away most of my presents and i've got enough to boast about.
i like the cards more though, cause i cant peek at the presents before midnight tmrw but the cards i get to read!
and everyone's nice and all love in christmas cards so they satiate my need to rip the wrappings off.

trainings were super tiring this week so today, we kinda had a slack session.
my thighs are aching madness and i still owe 340 push-ups. LOL.
PTC aka Pass The Coach is so fun cause pradeep's always making us, "expect the unexpected." haha.
i keep whacking my left leg when i serve though - ORH CHEHS galore please.

tmrw's christmas eve.
i'm excited!
glad that i went for service today (though the pastor was way too cheong hay nearing the end)
the music and dances were pretty good though i was kinda disappointed we didn't get to sing many carols.

anyway, stairway to heaven's my current korean fetish!
cheng jun omm-bah's like the hottest!
he's my nadal from korea for sure (though actually i'm still considering won bin.LOL.)
i told manda he can be my second husband and she said prolly my tenth already, hahaha.
OH WELL, what to do.

jason's coming back tmrw.
midnight, fanclub, midnight.
:D

2005-12-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

i love zed.
do you love zed?
no, you don't KNOW zed.
but some of you do,
and if you're one of them,
I BETCHA LOVE ZED TO DEATH.
FUNKA was a hit.
(though i wished more people turned up)
but still, SIXTEEN(outta 24)'s not too bad right.
food was great, courtesy of des, nellie, jo, JIEN AND ME.
LOL. jien and i have proven ourselves de-klutzed cause not only did we spread garlic butter on the bread, WE MAKE A WICKED CORDIAL TOO! (i am so showing my skills off at the next party :D)
don't ask what we put in the cordial though, and don't ask how we handled the ice either. (trust me, you REALLY don't wanna know.hahaha)
food was great (just to re-emphasize) and company was love.
zedders are sucha family!
and everyones' become so hot, and still the same around each other.
lindsay my girl we are going swimming asap!
we need to (tan and) TALK pronto.
she was telling me and jien about her crazy 14km-jogs/day for MORE THAN A MONTH that crazy girl she lost so much weight!
aye, she's got the determination i lack.
anyway, i am so tired but really happy to see (almost) everyone so well.
(and jien my favourite kitchen klutz, i tried the tootsie roll and i love it! but you over Tootsie anytime, okay?)

anyway, i got really happy today.
i don't mean to sound over-zealous whatsoever but really,
i am REALLY grateful to God.
He has put lovely people into my life, and His miracles are beyond my comprehension.
i am but one, yet He takes time to place little miracles in my life.
the other day in church, i gave more tidings in a night than i've ever did.
i was already quite broke then cause as you already know, CHRISTMAS takes money away.
so i prayed and -praise Him- am now a few times richer than 3 days ago.
THANK YOU FATHER. :D